Reese Quote #296
Quote from Reese in Long Drive
Samuel: All right, so we need to get a few of the ground rules straight. I own you! You are my property! And you should know, I don't take very good care of my things. [to a boy] Stand up. [shouts] I said stand up! Turn around! All the way. Faster! See that? Like a little top. Sit down! See how that works? 'Cause in prison, you got to make your own fun. And when they toss in punk kids like you and you, whoo... It's like Christmas for me! If you displease me, I will not hesitate to grab you by your pretty little neck, just squeeze till your eyes bulge out of your head, and then pop them with a fork.
Reese: [laughs]
Samuel: You think that's funny?
Reese: I thought you were trying to be funny.
Samuel: So, I got me a volunteer, huh? Well, let me tell you, cupcakes, what your first day up in here gonna be like!
[later:]
Samuel: ...And don't expect no flowers afterwards.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Long Drive’ Quotes
Quote from Otto
Otto: Helga, this cheese is magnificent. [laughs] Would you like to try just a little bite? No? How could you not like cheese? It is made from something that comes from you.
Francis: Hey, Otto.
Otto: Ooh. Francis. Have you seen Helga's squeaky toy? It's the one that looks like a little fire hydrant.
Francis: No, but I did get in the new branding iron.
Otto: Shh. Do you want to scare the poor thing out of her wits?
Francis: Otto, I know how much you love Helga, but we have to do this. All the cows have to get branded and de-wormed. I promise I will be very careful.
Otto: [fretful mutter] But don't tell her about it. You know, she is not as brave as she looks. I told her one ghost story around the campfire, and she had to sleep between me and Gretchen for a week.
Quote from Lois
Malcolm: Mom, don't do this!
Lois: Malcolm, in a few days, I'm going to be gone for a very long time, and I need to know that you're okay. We are going to have this talk. I know about you and Nicki.
Malcolm: I'm not seeing Nicki! I'm not having sex! I know about protection! I know all that stuff!
Lois: Malcolm, there's a lot more to being a sexually responsible person than what they teach you in health class. It's very different when you're experiencing it yourself.
Malcolm: Mom, stop. I'll do anything you ask. Just don't have this conversation.
Lois: Oh, honey, it's going to happen.
Malcolm: [groans] No.
Lois: You think I like it? You think I like the embarrassment we're going to be feeling for the next few hours? But, Malcolm, I have no choice. I cannot be there when you are having sex.
Malcolm: God!
Lois: So I'm going to try to give you the benefit of my experience. I'm going to bury you with every piece of information I have. I don't know what will be helpful and what won't, so I'm just going to tell you everything.
Malcolm: Oh, my God!
Lois: The sooner we start, the sooner it'll be over with. Now, this is a diaphragm.
Quote from Lois
Lois: Aha! No coaster. Look at that ring. That is why I have to move out of this house.
Malcolm: Mom.
Lois: Every time you boys thoughtlessly mar the furniture by refusing to use coasters, what are you doing?
Boys: Killing the baby.
Lois: Killing the baby. Every time you run through the house, every time you destroy furniture, every time you fight with each other, you are killing the baby.
Hal: Lois, the doctor just said you should avoid stress.
Lois: Which is just medical jargon for the simple fact that every time you boys misbehave, you might as well be taking a knife and putting it in that baby's tiny little heart.
Malcolm: Will you stop saying that?
Lois: I just hope you boys have the character to channel the horrible guilt you should be feeling Into better behavior while I'm gone.
Boys: We're sorry.