Malcolm: Mom, don't do this!
Lois: Malcolm, in a few days, I'm going to be gone for a very long time, and I need to know that you're okay. We are going to have this talk. I know about you and Nicki.
Malcolm: I'm not seeing Nicki! I'm not having sex! I know about protection! I know all that stuff!
Lois: Malcolm, there's a lot more to being a sexually responsible person than what they teach you in health class. It's very different when you're experiencing it yourself.
Malcolm: Mom, stop. I'll do anything you ask. Just don't have this conversation.
Lois: Oh, honey, it's going to happen.
Malcolm: [groans] No.
Lois: You think I like it? You think I like the embarrassment we're going to be feeling for the next few hours? But, Malcolm, I have no choice. I cannot be there when you are having sex.
Malcolm: God!
Lois: So I'm going to try to give you the benefit of my experience. I'm going to bury you with every piece of information I have. I don't know what will be helpful and what won't, so I'm just going to tell you everything.
Malcolm: Oh, my God!
Lois: The sooner we start, the sooner it'll be over with. Now, this is a diaphragm.