Reese Quote #674
Quote from Reese in Cattle Court
[dream sequence:]
Female Voice: [o.s.] That's him!
Male Voice: [o.s.] He's the murderer!
Reese: What?! No!
Hen: He ate my husband!
Chick: He deep-fried my parents!
Bull: Order! Order in my court. Let's behave like animals, people.
Pig: Your Honor, the defendant is charged with 63,428 counts of murder!
Reese: What?!
Pig: Each count is by the slice!
Reese: It's not my fault you're all so delicious! This isn't fair. Say something.
Chicken: [clucks]
Reese: That's not what you said in the hallway. I didn't do anything wrong!
Pig: Didn't do anything wrong? Your Honor, I'd like to present some evidence. I warn you, these photographs are extremely graphic. [animals groan]
Reese: What? That's just my breakfast. [animals groan] Is anybody else getting hungry?
Pig: Your Honor, the defendant obviously shows no remorse for his crimes.
Bull: I've heard enough. You make me sick to my stomachs. I say he's guilty. How does the jury find?
Sheep: Guilty!
Reese: That's not fair. They're just following you like sheep.
Bull: You have been found guilty by a jury of your food. I sentence you to be lightly seared and served with a Cajun peppercorn sauce.
[Reese wakes up screaming]
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Cattle Court’ Quotes
Quote from Hal
Lois: And we can all thank Reese for the wonderful dinner he brought home from work.
Hal: Oh, way to go, son. And someday, all that toner I keep bringing home will come in handy, too.
Quote from Dewey
Dewey: Six, seven, eight, nine, ten. I win. Wow, I smoked you again, Dad. Looks like I'm just better at Life than you.
Hal: Good for you, Dewey. But I hope you know that this isn't how things work in the real world. It's very oversimplified.
Dewey: Hmm.
Hal: I mean, you can't just break into a zoo, roll a couple of elevens and suddenly become the dean of a university.
Dewey: I did.
Hal: Son, I'm just trying to give you a life lesson here.
Dewey: Yet that's my orange limo sitting at the finish line, isn't it? Interesting.
Hal: [pretends to read card] "Dewey goes straight to bed with no dessert." Interesting.
Quote from Hal
Dewey: Dad? What's going on? I got your message at school. Is everything okay?
Hal: Everything's about to be. Have a seat.
Dewey: You pulled me out of a math test to play a game with you?
Hal: This is much more important than some useless math test. I have to make sure that you understand you got lucky last time. Life won't always go your way, Dewey. And the sooner you learn that lesson, the better. Sit down. Sit.
[later:]
Dewey: "You study hard and become an astronaut." All right.
Hal: What?! What?! What kind of lesson is this stupid game teaching you?! Where's the card that tells you your hemorrhoids are not covered by your health plan, huh?! Oh, would that not make a fun game?