Hal Quote #661
Quote from Hal in Tiki Lounge
Hal: I'll pick up Dewey from his piano lesson. And you're waiting for the dry wall guy?
Lois: Yeah, but you got to get the vacuum. I'll take the boys for their haircuts, and go pay the phone bill.
Hal: All right. By the way, the dermatologist called. He said that the lump on my back is just-
Malcolm: [o.s.] Don't put it out with more fire, moron!
Hal: Oh, my God.
[Hal and Lois rush out of their room, only to be drawn back when they hear Jamie crying. They turn around and leave again when they hear a crashing sound outside.]
[later:]
Hal: "I don't care if it's only a little poisonous. Get rid of it." So he said it was just an ingrown hair.
Lois: What?
Hal: The lump.
Lois: Oh, good. That was 18 hours ago. That's the last time we talked to each other?
Hal: Oh, my God.
Lois: I mean...
Hal: Oh, my God.
Lois: We talk to each other 20 seconds a day?!
Hal: Don't worry, honey. This is a problem, but I will take care of it.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Tiki Lounge’ Quotes
Quote from Mr. Herkabe
Malcolm: You wanted to see me, Mr. Herkabe?
Mr. Herkabe: Malcolm, one of the many perks of working in the glamorous field of public education is the constant opportunity to suddenly increase your workload. It's as big a morale booster as the constant chiseling of gum from one's shoes...
Malcolm: You know, you can come right out and tell me how you're screwing me over. You don't have to make a speech every time.
Mr. Herkabe: Be patient.
Quote from Mr. Herkabe
Mr. Herkabe: Yesterday I was informed that all faculty members must serve as advisors to at least one of the school's many clubs and organizations. I've been assigned the North High Boosters.
Malcolm: And you're telling me because...?
Mr. Herkabe: It's coming. The Boosters are only nine members, which makes it a group. We need ten for it to be a club. And if it isn't a club, I don't get my $200 advisor fee.
Malcolm: You want me to join?
Mr. Herkabe: I love it when a victim fully grasps the horror. You have proved a worthy patsy.
Malcolm: I don't want to be in your stupid club.
Mr. Herkabe: It's not a club until you've joined. Keep up.
Malcolm: Okay, what's the blackmail?
Mr. Herkabe: [sighs] Why must you rush these things? As Vice Principal, I write the college recommendations. I've written two for you. One has your complete academic record. The other has your complete academic record and a short paragraph about your personality.
Malcolm: That's not fair!
Mr. Herkabe: The meeting starts at 3:15 tomorrow. Come early if you want spirit cookies.
Quote from Malcolm
Mr. Herkabe: They don't like you any more than you like them. They think you're too lazy and selfish to be Booster material.
Malcolm: You're lying.
Mr. Herkabe: Oh, my God, you care.
Malcolm: No, I don't. They're a bunch of hypocrites pretending to be into charity just to have an excuse to throw parties and socialize and be surrounded by balloons.
Mr. Herkabe: Is this going to devolve into you shambling around the quad come next June desperate for someone to sign your yearbook?
Malcolm: Calling me selfish and lazy? I could raise ten times the money those idiots ever could!
Mr. Herkabe: Please. You're not seriously thinking of "showing them a thing or two," are you?
Malcolm: Shut up!