Hal Quote #663
Quote from Hal in Tiki Lounge
Hal: Keep 'em closed. Almost there.
Lois: Hal, you spun me around 50 times. I still know we're going to the garage.
Hal: Okay, open 'em.
Lois: Oh, Hal, it's It's beautiful. Well, I didn't do it all myself. The boys worked their butts off.
Malcolm: You know, that's a working wet bar.
Dewey: And a real New Zealand Mocking Mask.
Hal: Congratulations, boys, you did a fantastic job. Now, if you set one foot in here, I will cripple you.
Reese: What?
Hal: From now on, every night from 6:00 to 7:00 is "tiki time." Tiki time means your mother and I will be in here, alone, with no questions, no interruptions, no communication from you boys of any kind. Malcolm, you'll cover any of your mom's shifts at Lucky Aide. Reese, Dewey, baby-sit Jamie.
Reese: But-
Hal: No buts. You're the ones who ruined our relationship in the first place.
Lois: Hal.
Hal: [hands Jamie to Dewey] He needs changing. Aloha.
More Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Tiki Lounge’ Quotes
Quote from Mr. Herkabe
Malcolm: You wanted to see me, Mr. Herkabe?
Mr. Herkabe: Malcolm, one of the many perks of working in the glamorous field of public education is the constant opportunity to suddenly increase your workload. It's as big a morale booster as the constant chiseling of gum from one's shoes...
Malcolm: You know, you can come right out and tell me how you're screwing me over. You don't have to make a speech every time.
Mr. Herkabe: Be patient.
Quote from Mr. Herkabe
Mr. Herkabe: Yesterday I was informed that all faculty members must serve as advisors to at least one of the school's many clubs and organizations. I've been assigned the North High Boosters.
Malcolm: And you're telling me because...?
Mr. Herkabe: It's coming. The Boosters are only nine members, which makes it a group. We need ten for it to be a club. And if it isn't a club, I don't get my $200 advisor fee.
Malcolm: You want me to join?
Mr. Herkabe: I love it when a victim fully grasps the horror. You have proved a worthy patsy.
Malcolm: I don't want to be in your stupid club.
Mr. Herkabe: It's not a club until you've joined. Keep up.
Malcolm: Okay, what's the blackmail?
Mr. Herkabe: [sighs] Why must you rush these things? As Vice Principal, I write the college recommendations. I've written two for you. One has your complete academic record. The other has your complete academic record and a short paragraph about your personality.
Malcolm: That's not fair!
Mr. Herkabe: The meeting starts at 3:15 tomorrow. Come early if you want spirit cookies.
Hal Quotes
Quote from Blackout
Hal: I have Kobe beef.
Reese: No way.
Hal: Yes!
Reese: That's like $60 an ounce.
Hal: I know. I won it in a Minesweeper tournament at work. Years of practicing eight hours a day has finally paid off.
Quote from Malcolm Babysits
Hal: Hi, son. Didn't hear you drive up.
Malcolm: I decided to walk.
Hal: So, how's the job going?
Malcolm: They were jerks, so I quit.
Hal: Well, that's pretty much what work is. Welcome to the club.