Lois: All Malcolm wanted was a candy bar, but Leland put a lock on the vending machine. We can't let him get away with this.
Andrea: I want to go on record: I hated him first.
Paula: This would never happen in Barthelona. Why are Americans so immature?
Scott: Why don't you just write an angry note or-or a missive after I get accepted?
Lois: Look, Scott, you'll face jerks and tyrants like Leland all your life. The sooner you learn how to deal with them, the better. And no one's chances of getting into this school are going to be affected. He is going to hand over that key.
Paula: How?
Lois: I don't know yet, but there are plenty of ways to force people to do what you want. You can find something incriminating in their room. You can get dirt from a bitter ex. Or you can make a blanket accusation with absolute conviction and just wait for them to blurt out something.
Malcolm: Wait. You use that trick on me all the time.
Lois: No, sweetie, that's a different thing entirely. Now, we've gotta get Malcolm some candy.
Malcolm: [to camera] Well, I guess I'll be cool and popular after college.