Craig: So, then, when I was 13, I got my first velour shirt, and everything changed. Suddenly, there was an opening in the astronomy club. People started sitting on my side of the bus. But I'm a Libra, so I like to think the best of people.
Reese: So, Craig, I was telling Alison how well you focus on your driving.
Alison: No, you were just telling me that if I really loved you, I'd let you get under my-
Craig: So, you guys like to take long walks on the beach? I sure do. Plus, I'm a grand master at Battleship. I've got the hat if you'd like to see it. So, Ali, do you have any brothers or sisters? What do you think you're doing?! You don't talk to me. You just start kissing? I am a person, and I deserve some conversation and some of the social niceties before the kissing starts.
Alison: You know what, I was okay when he pulled over twice to change his shirt, but I really don't think he should be yelling at me.
Reese: Okay, don't freak out. I can handle this. My family kind of owns him. You know, Craig, another thing girls really like is the strong, silent type. Craig, Craig, you just passed the concert!
Craig: Oh, no, I don't think so.
Alison: But there was a sign, and it had an arrow, and we're supposed to follow the pointy end!
Craig: Oh, come on. There's other fun things we can do. I thought we'd start with a hayride, and then a light dinner at Cicero's. I've already tipped the violinist to drop by our table, for the lady. Then I thought we'd cap off the evening with a nice, romantic bonfire at the lake.
Reese: Craig, you are ruining our date! [tires screech]
Craig: Now, listen here! Do you know how long I have dreamed and planned for this night? 34 years! And I am not going to let you little brats ruin it! We are going to have a hayride and dinner and a bonfire, and this is going to be a magical evening that will live in our hearts forever!
Alison: What's that on your glasses?
Craig: What? [Alison pepper sprays Craig when he takes of his glasses] [screams] Oh, my God! Reese, you said she'd be nice to me! You said she'd like me! [sobbing]
Reese: Yeah, let's ditch this loser. [Alison aims the pepper spray at Reese] Okay, okay. See you at school.