Malcolm: Thanks for getting me grounded on my birthday.
Reese: Oh, boo-hoo, I was grounded on my birthday.
Malcolm: I was just standing up for myself. There is such a thing as justice, you know!
Reese: Well, there is such a thing as "shut up!"
Lois: Stop it. Malcolm, do you remember what you did for your birthday last year?
Malcolm: Nothing. I was grounded then, too.
Lois: And what about your birthday?
Reese: You grounded me after I smashed Malcolm's face into the cake.
Lois: And your birthday before that?
Malcolm: Pretty much this.
Reese: Wait. When did you push me off the pony?
Lois: Do you realize that neither of you has had a birthday party in his entire life? Don't you think that's sad? Every chance you have had for a little happiness, a little something special, you threw it away. At some point, this has to stop. Is revenge ever worth it? Is it worth it now? Do you feel happy? There's no reason to compete with each other. We love you both the same. There are no favorites in this family.
Hal: Where is Dewey?