Malcolm: Craig, I just checked the schedule and it still says that you're covering for my mom Friday night. I thought you were going to do something about that.
Craig: Oh, I think she suffered enough. [whispers] Her name tag's been on upside down all night.
Malcolm: Craig, don't you want to be taken seriously?
Craig: I'm taken seriously.
Malcolm: No, you're not. Especially not by my mom. She has nothing but complete and utter contempt for you.
Craig: That's not true.
Malcolm: Oh, yeah? She said the reason she ever makes eye-contact with you is because the rest of you is too hard to look at.
Craig: She did?
Malcolm: And you think she doesn't know that her name tag's upside down? Of course she does. She just doesn't care, because it was only Craig the doormat who did it. You mean nothing to her. Nothing at all. You have to stand up to her. For once in your life, Craig, be a man!
Craig: I hate her! [sobs and runs away]
Malcolm: [to camera] Okay, so I lied and destroyed a man so I could go to a concert. I'll get him a T-shirt.