Hal: What's happening? What are you doing?
Agent Stone: Wixted rolled over on you, Hal. He told us all about your offshore accounts in the Cayman Islands, altering documents, the villa, everything.
Lois: Can't he at least put some pants on?
Agent Stone: Just as soon as we get a good perp-walk out of him.
Lois: This is ridiculous! He doesn't belong in jail! He doesn't even look in the back of the TV Guide for the crossword answers!
Hal: Honey, I love you. Keep the phone bill paid so I can call you. And the trick to the thermostat is to push in before you twist it.
Police Officer: Sir, you need to stand still.
Hal: And I need a lawyer. Not Reese's. I-I want a good one.
Police Officer: Sir, you need to stop squirming.
Lois: Boys, go back in the house.
Hal: Boys, your daddy loves you very much. And don't worry about this.
Police Officer: Sir, this is your last warning.
Hal: Believe in the American Justice Sys... [screams]
Dewey: I guess Dad's a no.