Lois: Karen told me you French-kissed her on New Year's Eve.
Hal: What? I did not! I can't believe it! You're actually accusing me of this?
Lois: Why would Karen lie?
Hal: Why would I lie? Lois, for the past 20 years yours has been the only tongue that's been in my mouth. Now you're just going to have to believe that. I don't lie!
Dewey: So are we going to fly kites tomorrow?
Hal: Sorry, son I have to testify at a murder trial. [Lois looks at Hal] But, darn it, you're my son and I want to go to the park with you!
Dewey: Thanks, Dad.
Hal: [whispers to Lois] Kids don't count.