Dewey: We are gathered here today to pay tribute to... a leg. A leg that saved me. But also kicked me, and stomped on my toes a lot. But that wasn't your idea. Anyway, uh... I'm sorry. I just thought once I had the hole and the severed leg in front of me the words would come naturally. [Hal pulls up] Dad, what are you doing home?
Hal: Dewey, I know you need your time alone, but I did something I think is gonna make you feel a lot better.
Dewey: Actually, I'm kind of busy right now.
Hal: I kept thinking, "There must be some way I can help take little Dewey's mind off all this". "There must be some way I can put the fun back in his life." [a dog with a ribbon on its head runs into the yard] Of course, your mom is probably going to hit the roof when she finds out, but you just let me handle that, huh? [the dog runs over the hole Dewey has dug up]
Dewey: Dad, what are you talking about?
Hal: I'm talking about a lovable furry playmate who you can spend years with, frolicking and... Oh, my God! What the hell is he eating?
Dewey: What is who eating?
Hal: Your dog! You have him for two seconds and this is what happens?!
Dewey: I didn't ask for a dog! Who brings a dog to a leg funeral?!
Hal: A leg funeral?! Dewey, after I said...?
Dewey: You didn't say not to, you just said I wouldn't be able to!
[The dog runs into the house's crawl space with Ida's leg]