Craig: Mama? Oh, my God, she's beautiful. I thought you said all the photos of her were destroyed in the twister that killed her.
Vic Feldspar: What did you want me to say? That your mother ran out on me with a guy who owned a pie shop? That after years of slaving away to give that woman everything, she decided she wasn't attracted to me anymore? That I wasn't man enough for her? Come on, Craig. What would that have done to your self-esteem?
Craig: So, my mom is alive?
Vic Feldspar: Oh, great. So, now this all going to be about her.
Craig: How could you do this to me? How could you lie to me all these years?
Vic Feldspar: I did what I thought was best for you.
Craig: No, you didn't. You did what you thought would punish her. All this time, you weren't yelling at me, but at this beautiful, beautiful woman. Dad, I'm not going with you. My life isn't a mess. I love my life. I love my job, I love my cat, I love my friends. I've made something of myself. I'm Desk Sergeant at my Neighborhood Watch. And a 14th-level elf cleric. I am not going to throw that away.
Vic Feldspar: You almost sounded like a man for a second.
Craig: Good-bye, Dad.
Vic Feldspar: You actually have a pretty good grip there, son.
Craig: It's my joystick hand.