Cece: Joan, I just want to say that I'm really happy that, you know, we got past all that.
Joan Day: Come here, Cece. Give my little girl drugs again... I will end you.

Joan Day: Just explain to me again why we're doing this.
Jess: Because, when Cece's all washed up as a model, she wants to be a makeup artist. And I want to help her realize her dreams.
Cece: Yeah, it's my plan B.
Joan Day: Okay, stop. Seriously, it's just too much. The makeup and-and your dress? The only reason I wear makeup in Portland is to keep the rain off my face.

Jess: So this is my childhood home, the place of my birth. Thank you guys so much for doing this, and coming on this tour with me. I forgot all about...
Joan Day: [British accent:] Hello, hello, hello, darling! ["God Save the Queen" playing] Where's the famous Mr. Geauxinue?
Jess: Um... well... actually, um, Ryan... had to cancel last-minute, so he's not coming. I'm so sorry.
Joan Day: Oh, honey... that's just awful. Aw... Damn men. Oh, I feel so bad for you.