Ted Quote #1278
Quote from Ted in Weekend at Barney's
Ted: Oh, my God, what happened?
Jeanette: Oh, I trashed your apartment. See, I got bored, so I started going through all your e-mails.
Ted: Sure.
Jeanette: And I found one from a woman with the subject line, "big penis orgasms," so naturally, I smashed your plates, knifed your mattress, peed in your drawers, the whole nine, but then, while I was upper-decking your toilet, I actually read the e-mail. Turns out it was spam. Classic Jeanette, huh?
Ted: Oh, my God. You are certifiably insane... about me. Come here, you knucklehead.
Jeanette: Ted, Ted, I'm breaking up with you. You're just so intense, and it's all moving way too fast. Here's your key back.
Ted: I never gave you a key.
Jeanette: And here's your grandmother's ring.
Ted: She was buried wearing this.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Weekend at Barney's’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Marshall: This is the life. We got the three B's. Beach, booze and bodacious babes.
Ted: I don't know. I'm starting to think we should call the police.
Marshall: Oh, would you relax? We've got it made. One whole week at his bodacious beach house, no strings attached.
Ted: Well, there is one string attached.
Woman: Hi, Barney.
[Ted pulls a string to make Barney's arm wave]
Ted & Marshall: Bodacious.
[Barney jolts up in bed:]
Barney: "Weekend at Barney's!"
Robin: What is it? What's wrong?
Barney: The plays, Robin, the plays. The ingenious techniques I used as a bachelor to pick up busty dullards. They just keep coming to me, I can't turn them off.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Your wedding response card, as promised.
Robin: Why didn't you just mail it like everybody else?
Ted: Oh, see, that's sad, Robin. You should be touched that I hand-delivered it. Has social media so eroded our interpersonal relationships that we no longer wish to experience the...
Robin: You wanted to keep the stamp?
Ted: They're 46 cents now. It's getting out of hand.
Quote from Barney
Robin: Okay, Barney, let me ease your mind, okay?
Barney: All right, here we go.
Robin: Remember when you set your Playbook on fire? That was the moment I realized you were someone I could marry.
Barney: And I'd burn it again if I could. You're right. I'm done with all these plays. Besides, there's no way I'll ever come up with anything that tops "Weekend at Barney's".
[later, Barney jolts up in bed again:]
Barney: "Weekend at Barney's Two!"
Robin: Damn it, Barney!