Marshall Quote #892

Quote from Marshall in Tick Tick Tick

Marshall: Oh, no. I think that sandwich was laced with other stuff. Like, hard meats.
Ted: What do you mean?
Marshall: Well, usually after a sandwich, I feel paranoid. But I'm not. [grabs Ted] Why am I not feeling paranoid?!

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 ‘Tick Tick Tick’ Quotes

Quote from Barney

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, Einstein was right. Time moves at different speeds. To Barney, the previous night raced by in a blur. But then, all of a sudden, time stopped.
Robin: This might be the worst thing I've ever done.
Barney: Hey, now, you weren't at the top of your game, but it was still pretty...
Robin: Oh, my God! I just cheated on Kevin. He is the nicest guy ever. I'm a terrible person.
Barney: It's okay. We both cheated. What's that saying about two wrongs making a right?
Robin: "Two wrongs don't make a right"?
Barney: No, that's not it.

Quote from Barney

Robin: Beautiful night, huh, gang?
Barney: Yeah, Robin and I were just cheating- chatting about how warm it is. I'm breaking a trust- sweat in here. And I thought we'd be cuckold.

 Marshall Eriksen Quotes

Quote from The Final Page (Part 2)

Marshall: Oh, I forgot the lullaby. Do you know Marvin's lullaby? We sing it to him every night.
[flashback to Marshall playing guitar and singing to Marvin with Lily adding percussion:]
Marshall: Night, night, little Marvin Stars twinkle for you [Lily plays chimes] The Dreamland train's a-chuggin' [Lily blows train whistle] All your dreams will come true And the horsie says, "Good night" [Lily plays wood scraper block] And the birdie says, "Good night" [Lily blows bird whistle] And the elephant says, "Good night" [Lily plays tuba] And the skeleton playing his own rib cage Says, "Good Night" [Lily plays xylophone] And the robot says, "Good night"
Lily: [uses a voice-changing megaphone] Good night.
Man: [o.s.] Enough with the damn music!
Marshall: [singing] And Mr. Nesbit says, "Good night" And the whole world says, "Good night" Take it, Mommy.
[Lily plays the violin]

Quote from Bagpipes

Barney: Hey, tiger. How you holding up? Do you need a hug? You want to talk about yesterday? Safe space.
Ted: Barney thinks Lily asking you to wash your dishes right away is a sign your marriage is crumbling.
Marshall: What? Why? Lily likes a clean sink, so I do the dishes right away, what's the big deal?
Barney: I'll tell you what the big deal is. You know how I was always the best at being single?
Ted: No.
Barney: Well, now I am the best at relationships. Even better than you and Lily.
Marshall: Aw. Look at you. Had a girlfriend for five minutes, you think you can play with the big boys, adorable. Son, I've been in a relationship since you had a ponytail and were playing Dave Matthews on your mama's Casio. I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep. I can rock a killer foot rub with one hand and brew a kick-ass pot of chamomile in the other that would make you weep. Hell, I've forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know, but thanks for your concern, rook.