Future Ted Quote #116
Stella: Ted, I'm so sorry again about everything. For what it's worth...
Ted: I'll talk to Tony.
Ted: I want you to be happy, Stella. I'll talk to him.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And I did. I don't remember what I said to him, but I guess I changed his mind because the next day, they flew to California. Stella set up a new dermatology practice. And against all odds, Tony found some success as a screenwriter. His movie, The Wedding Bride, was a big hit. But we'll get to that later.
Quote from Barney
Barney: You think I can't talk my way out of a ticket? You think I can't talk my way out of a ticket? I am Barney Stinson, master of manipulation. If I can talk a stripper into paying me for a lap dance, I think I can talk my way
out of a ticket. Challenge accept... wait for it.
[Barney points to Ted. Marshall and Robin laugh.]
Ted: I don't get it. [Barney gives a "think about" gesture] Oh, Ted. "Accep-Ted." I get it now.
Quote from Marshall
Barney: Okay, new topic. I just got a $200 speeding ticket today.
Marshall: Oh, that sucks, dude. You couldn't talk your way out of it?
Barney: You can't talk your way out of a ticket.
Marshall: I've done it. It was... what was it? It was 1998.
[flashback to a police officer writing Marshall a ticket in Minnesota in 1998:]
Police Officer: So where's the fire?
Marshall: There's no fire. Actually, you know, there is a fire at this barbecue I'm headed to. Nothing special.
Burgers, ribs... brats.
Police Officer: Son, do you have any idea how dangerous it is to be... Did you say brats?
Marshall: Yeah, brats. My mom marinates them in Belgian beer for two days. No big. Funny thing was, I could've sworn that one of those thick, succulent, hickory-smoked brats had some writing on it. Weird. Anyways, what were you saying?
Police Officer: Well, what did it say? The brat?
Marshall: It said "Property of Minnesota State Trooper Jorgensen." You a brat man, Officer Jorgensen?
Police Officer: You going to this address?
Police Officer: Follow me and lean on the horn. We're gonna be running some reds.
Barney: Well, duh. I would've done that, too, if I'd have been going to a barbecue. Damn, I was.
Quote from Murtaugh
Ted: Yeah, whatever. I'm adding laser tag to the Murtaugh List.
Barney: Jeez, not the Murtaugh List.
Robin: What's the Murtaugh List?
Future Ted: [v.o.] The Murtaugh List is something that came into being around the time I turned 30. It all started with your Uncle Marshall's beer bong. When we were in our early 20s, every time we had a party, that beer bong came out. And around the time we turned 30, same thing. Of course, in our early 20s, the next day would go like this.
[flashback to Ted and Marshall playing around in their underwear]
Future Ted: But by the time we were 30, the next day would go like this.
[Ted on the couch with a sick bucket]
Future Ted: Then one day, in the throes of the worst hangover of my life, I realized there was only one person in the world that I could relate to: Detective Roger Murtaugh, played by Danny Glover in the '80s noir masterpiece Lethal Weapon, known for his oft-quoted catchphrase:
Murtaugh: I'm too old for this...
Future Ted: "Stuff." He said, "I'm too old for this stuff."
Quote from The End of the Aisle
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, I won't lie, that was a long weekend. More ups and downs than I can count. It was a twisting, turning road that led to the end of the aisle, and not everything along the way was perfect. To be honest, not everything to follow would be perfect either. But what is? Here's the secret, kids: none of us can vow to be perfect. In the end, all we can do is promise to love each other with everything we've got. Because love's the best thing we do. And on that lovely spring evening, that's exactly what Barney and Robin vowed to each other. And it was legendary.