James Quote #14

Quote from James in The Yips

[flashback to 23-year-old Barney talking to his brother James, who is wearing a beer helmet and a football shirt:]
Barney: But I don't know the first thing about seducing a woman. What do you...? How do you...? Where do you...?
James: Stop. Don't overthink it. You don't want to get the yips.
Barney: The yips?
James: Yeah, when you overthink simple things so much that you can't do them at all.
Barney: The yips.
James: Yeah, it happens to athletes all the time. Like the second baseman who suddenly can't throw to first or the figure skater who does a perfect triple toe loop and then loses it on the arabesque. [laughs] I've actually really been getting into figure skating lately.

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 ‘The Yips’ Quotes

Quote from Barney

[cut Barney and Ted at the gym:]
Barney: There goes one of my investments now. Cheryl, hard work's paying off. Keep up the good work.
Ted: So your investments... are women?
Barney: Women who, how shall I put this delicately? They fat. So, I come here, give them lots of attention now. Then when they get hot, who's the first guy they run to? The one who invested in them when they weren't.
Ted: Wow, I can't decide if I'm thoroughly disgusted or really, really impressed.
Barney: Of course, not all investments pay dividends. See the girl over there at the vending machine, Tonya. She is one Kit Kat away from junk bond status.
Becky: Hey, Barney.
Barney: Becky, elliptical machine's really working for you. Nice stuff. [to Ted] That one's going to reward shareholders soon. I foresee aggressive growth in my future. What up?

Quote from Barney

[flashback to 23-year-old Barney talking to his brother James, who is wearing a beer helmet and a football shirt:]
Barney: Of course. The Man Maker. And it'll be easier too, 'cause she knows me so well.
[later, Barney goes to Rhonda's house:]
Rhonda: Hi, Barry.
Barney: Barney. Hi, Ms. French. I know we haven't seen each other for a while, but if there was any chance...
[later, in Rhonda's bedroom:]
Rhonda: Oh, boy. You just rocked my world. That was the best sex I ever had.
[present:]
Barney: That was the night I was born. I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom and strode into the world, Armani clad and fully awesome.

 James Stinson Quotes

Quote from The Poker Game

James: Barney. Here's a good one. What's the difference between a Journey song and a husband? A Journey song has a climax. Ha, ha. I'm sorry, Robin. I'm just messing with you. Raise a hundred.
Robin: No, it's fine. It's just funny hearing all this anti-marriage stuff from a divorced guy who still wears his wedding ring.
James: What, this? Only wear it because nothing attracts a gay guy faster than a wedding ring. Except saying hi to him. Or being in the same room. Or every app on my phone. People, it is a good time to be gay.

Quote from Single Stamina

James: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Guys, you are young, attractive people here in the greatest city on earth. There are boys and girls in Nobody Cares, Wyoming, wishing they could be here. But instead, they are in someone's basement drinking bad malt liquor, debating whether or not they're going to spend their Saturday night in the parking lot of the feed store or in some other dude's basement. You owe it to them to rise up and shimmy your lazy asses into something hot, and you go out there and you live their dream! Can I get a "hell, yeah"?
All: Hell, yeah!
James: Can I get a "hell, yeah"?
All: Hell, yeah!
James: Can I get a "woo-woo"?
All: Woo-woo!
James: Go do it for Wyoming!
All: Yes!
James: Testify!