Ted Quote #1355

Quote from Ted in No Questions Asked

Ted: Uh, Marshall wanted me to check on you. He was worried that you might be scared all alone in the ghost room.
Lily: Remind me to call you next time Marvin has a nightmare. You can calm him by bursting into his room with a chainsaw and a hockey mask.
Ted: Sorry, I didn't want to knock in case you were asleep, so I just climbed the drain pipe, no big deal. And opened the latch with this here coat hanger. I would've called, but, uh, I didn't know if you'd have your phone handy. Say, where is that old phone of yours?
Lily: Ted, I am not scared, so why don't you head back to your room and...? [thunder smashes] Aah! I guess you can stay until I fall asleep. If it'll make you feel better. And maybe if it'll make you feel even better, you can sing me a version of Marvin's lullaby?
Ted: Okay. Okay. [singing] Night-night, little Lily No ifs, ands, or buts No peg-legged ghost is waiting To hook out your guts.

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 ‘No Questions Asked’ Quotes

Quote from Barney

Barney: Hey, good news. We're all set for the dove release.
Robin: What?
Barney: When we leave the church, they're gonna release 100 doves. It's going to be avi-wait-for-it-ary. Aviary.

Quote from Marshall

Future Ted: [v.o.] Marshall had recently discovered that the Farhampton Inn was featured in an episode of The Ghost Network's original series True and Real Ghost Stories of the Supernatural.
Marshall: There, see? The Farhampton Inn. I told you it sounded familiar.
[on TV:]
Narrator: In 1843, the streets of Farhampton, Long Island, were stalked by a vicious killer named Captain Blazeby Dearduff. Dubbed Dearduff the Hooker, he murdered dozens of unwary travelers with his sharpened hook. Ironically, that hook would prove Dearduff's own undoing one wintry night in Room 13 of the Farhampton Inn. He was found the next morning frozen to death.
Man: Boom.
Narrator: Some say you can still hear Captain Dearduff's cries coming from Room 13.
Captain Dearduff: Cold. So cold. Help me. Help me.
Man: We can see you, Ron.
Narrator: Some say you can still hear the thump of his peg and the scrape of his hook. Others say Dearduff the Hooker was just a popular male prostitute who murdered no one and died of syphilis in 1848. Let's hear from some people who have actually survived a night in Room 13.
Carrie Friedman: Did I see a ghost? [distorted] Of course. Yes. There are such things as ghosts.

 Ted Mosby Quotes

Quote from Intervention

[flashback to Marshall arriving at the apartment as Ted stacks books on a shelf:]
Marshall: Hey. What's that?
Ted: A 1986 World Book encyclopaedia. [en-sahy-kluh-pay-dee-uh] It's exactly the one I grew up with.
Marshall: Encyclopaedia?
Ted: Oh, you think it should be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia. It's a common mistake. But if you look at that squished together "ae" symbol in this here encyclopaedia, you'll learn that it's a ligature derived from the Anglo-Saxon rune...
[The bookshelves collapse, ripping off a portion of plasterboard and exposing the building's red brick walls]
Marshall: You know, you're gonna have to paedia for that.

Quote from We're Not From Here

Ted: New Jersey is not "pretty much New York". You are not "pretty much New Yorkers".
Colleen: And how would you know?
Ted: Because I live here. That's right. I live here. Yes, we're full of crap. Yes, we pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. But you know what's even worse than that?! Saying you're a New Yorker when you're not. Because, this is the greatest city in the world and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker. So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel and flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"? Because I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey!