Robin Quote #853
Quote from Robin in The Bro Mitzvah
Robin: Give him the worst night of his life.
[title: "The Barney"]
Robin: We'll give him the worst hotel room with the worst entertainment, the wrong Karate Kid, and the absolute last stripper he would want to see.
[flashback:]
Quinn: Hold on. You want me to pretend my life's gone to crap and I'm back to stripping just screw with my ex-fiance? I love it!
[back:]
Robin: That party will be so terrible, he'll have to leave it. Then I'll instruct his arch-nemesis to say, "I mean, what kind of loser has his bachelor party ten yards from A.C. and doesn't even gamble?" Barney will take the envelope of cash I gave him and head straight into our trap. Meanwhile, I'll make sure he's abandoned me in my nightmare scenario.
Ted: Wait, hold on. Is there any chance this is all too mean to Barney? [all laugh] Just kidding.
Robin: Okay, we just need the finale.
Marshall: Oh! The Chinese mobsters chop off my hand right in front of Barney! Yes, we're all equally enthused! [nobody high-fives Marshall]
Robin: Okay, here's the plan. After I storm off...
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘The Bro Mitzvah’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Marshall: Another guest? Who could this be? Why, it's Lily! And she's here to deliver one of your requests!
Barney: Oh, thank you, Marshall.
Lily: Oh, not that one.
[flashback to ten months earlier:]
Barney: An appearance by my all-time idol, the Karate Kid!
Future Ted: [v.o.] The Karate Kid was an uplifting '80s classic about a teen, played by Ralph Macchio, who defeats the local jerk, played by William Zabka. At least, that's how most people saw it.
Lily: Here he is, just as hot as when his Tiger Beat photo spread gave a young girl the courage to explore the suddenly unfamiliar topography of her changing body... the Karate Kid!
Ralph Macchio: Hey, Barney. It's Ralph. Listen, it's always flattering...
Barney: No! I hate Ralph Macchio! I hate him, hate him, hate him! He is not the Karate Kid! The Karate Kid was William Zabka, star pupil of the Cobra Kai Dojo, who this monster defeated with a cheap, illegal head-kick in the most tragically haunting film ending of all time.
Ralph Macchio: Oh, see, I thought you meant fun-crazy.
Barney: Shut it, Ralph Macchio. Why don't you go have a party with Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter and War Horse and all the other movie bad guys and stop ruining mine!
Quote from Loretta
Loretta: Hold on. You want me to help you trick my own son? I love it. Barney deserves it. You know, he told me you were a virgin.
Robin: [scoffs] Ridiculous!
Loretta: I know. You are a dirty ho-bag just like me. But he loves you so much. And so do I.
Robin: [mouths] Ho-bag?
Quote from Barney
Ted: But don't worry. Back when you were engaged to Quinn, you told us everything you wanted for tonight.
[flashback to ten months earlier:]
Barney: A bachelor party is a man's... bro mitzvah!
Quinn: Did you just think of that?
Barney: Totally! We can wear... bro-mulkes, spin the bro-del... and consult the wisdom of the Bro-rah. Written in... He-bro.
Ted: Not at all bro-ffensive.
Barney: Ooh, ooh! Couple other ideas, and I'm just spit balling here... so take 'em or leave 'em. Booze, duh, cigars, duh, strippers, duh... Ooh! Things should get so crazy that at some point we should fear for our lives.