Ted Quote #1242
Future Ted: [v.o.] So what if my friends thought it was doomed? I was still young, and I knew that a night of partying with a girl over a decade younger than me would be a total...
Ted: ...disaster. She's like an entirely different species. [sneezes] And I definitely didn't have enough layers.
[flashback:]
Ted: [v.o.] I didn't understand half the words she was saying. To me, it all sounded like hipster mad libs.
Carly: Didn't you check your phone? I just "means of contacting" you on "currently hot social networking site." The show's been moved to "New York neighborhood" you've never heard of."
Ted: Oh. Wow, my phone has a clock. [v.o.] And they subsist on a diet of pointlessly weird combinations.
Carly: Ooh. Hey, do you want to split a kimchi cupcake with bacon frosting? They are the best here.
Ted: Uh, yeah. Yeah, that'll go great with my cucumber jalapeño egg cream.
Carly: Chug it! Come on. Come on. We got to get going.
Ted: [v.o.] Then later, at a club in Chinatown somehow located beneath a manhole cover, it got weird.
Carly: God, I just love those tiny gray hairs in your eyebrows. Old men are so sexy.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Ring Up’ Quotes
Quote from Robin
Robin: Okay, you guys know how my mornings usually go.
Marshall: Why would we care how...
Robin: Usually it's like this.
[fantasy scene of Robin queuing:]
Man #1: After you.
Robin: Aw, thank you.
Man #2: On the house, Robin!
Man #3: [all singing] Take this bagel on the house
Man #4: Have a paper on the house
Man #5: I'd give you a house on the house if I could
All: You're so beautiful Everything in life should be free
Robin: It's so wonderful to be me!
[reality:]
Lily: Wow. Do Do little bluebirds help you get dressed in the morning, too?
[fantasy:]
All: She's exaggerating to make a point!
Quote from Barney
Ted: Barney, she's just using me for my gracefully aging body.
Barney: You're picking now to get some self-respect? You once banged a blind girl by pretending to be Sean Connery.
Ted: That was you.
Barney: [as Sean Connery] Yeah, that conquest was most enjoyable.
Quote from Robin
Ted: You guys. You guys will not believe what just happened. On my way here, a taxi jumped the curb and it pinned this old lady, and I-I just went into this, like, crazy adrenaline mode and I somehow lifted it off her.
Lily: Oh, my God, Ted, your wrist.
Ted: Oh, yeah, I guess it's a little swollen. I must've strained it lifting.
Barney: No, I believe our dear friend Lily was referring to your other wrist. The one wearing the male birth control.
Robin: I was gonna go with "chastity bracelet."
Barney: God, is it possible to love you more?