Barney Quote #1384
Quote from Barney in A Change of Heart
[flashback to Barney and Nora at dinner:]
Barney: I mean, I like being single, but secretly, I want to have kids.
Nora: How many do you want?
Barney: Three. One of each. You?
Nora: Three. All in an old stone house.
Barney: Yeah, with ivy growing on it.
Nora: Cocktails on the patio.
Barney: And we must have a pool.
Nora: We? ... A pool sounds brilliant. Are you for real, Barney?
Barney: I really am.
[later, at MacLaren's:]
Robin: Unbelievable.
Nora: I know, right? And the second reason we popped in is 'cause I need to use the loo. But when I get back, I'm dying to hear all about Mr. Softy here.
Barney: I assure you, that's not a nickname that I... [Lily punches Barney in the chest]
[present:]
Dr. Kirby: And that explains your 14-second cardiac arrest.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘A Change of Heart’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, the heart is a mysterious muscle. You never really know what's going on in there. So after Uncle Marshall lost his father, he decided to get his heart checked. And so did I. And so did Lily. And so did Robin. And then Marshall went again just to be sure. There was only one holdout.
Barney: I don't need to go to a heart doctor. I drink every day, I sleep three hours every night, and I have multiple sex partners. I'm doing everything right.
Quote from Barney
Lily: [singsong voice] Oh, Barney's got feeling for a girl.
Barney: Yeah. Penis feelings. Because she's hot. Guys, as you know, I only have one rule...
Future Ted: [v.o.] Barney said this a lot.
Barney: I only have one rule: if you're gonna get it on in a Port-O-Potty, do it early in the day.
Barney: I only have one rule: Never screw over a girl whose last name ends in a vowel. 'Cause she's got brothers.
Barney: I only have one rule: Never date a girl with a hook for a hand.
[present:]
Barney: Never go out with the same girl more than once.
Lily: Then why are you going out with Nora again?
Barney: There is an exception.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And it was always the same exception.
Barney: ...unless she's hot.
Barney: ...unless she's hot.
Barney: ...unless she's hot. Arr!
[present:]
Barney: And she is indeed hot.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Barney, come on, this is important. We need you around for a long time. Without you, we'd have to find some other sex-fueled, depraved animal to entertain us.