Ted Quote #760
Ted: Barney, when you were with this girl, did she suddenly slip the word "sex" into the conversation?
[flashback to Anita with Barney at the Marshall:]
Anita: I'm in the inter-sex-tion, and I only have a couple of sex, before the light changes. Anyway, everyone's honking at me. And it totally sex. But, I can't turn around, because a jogger slipped and fell in horse sex-crement.
Barney: Go on. Go on.
Ted: Did she make excuses to establish physical contact with you?
Anita: Is this cashmere?
Barney: Cashmere? [scoffs] This is handspun virgin Merino. The fibers in this suit are less than 12 microns thick.
Anita: Twelve microns? I love a tiny fiber.
Barney: Well, you're in luck. 'Cause mine's the tiniest. And the more you touch it, the softer it gets.
Barney: She did that, too!
Ted: Now, here's the final test. Next time you see her, ask her out for the following night. The book says that's forbidden. So, she'll probably give you some lame excuse, like this, " Oh, I can't do anything tomorrow tonight,
've already made plans to clean my garbage disposal and treat myself to a bubble bath. But how about next week some time?"
Quote from Ted
Ted: Leave it to me. I'll plan the whole thing.
Barney: You're gonna plan the whole thing? I bet it'll be all gooey and romantic, huh?
Ted: Gooey and romantic? Gooey and romantic? Barney. [singing] You don't have to take her to Paris or Peru
Barney: Uh, Ted, what are you doing?
Ted: [singing] You just have to make her understand
Barney: Ted, people are looking at us.
Ted: [singing] What she means to you
Barney: Oh, God, really? You're really gonna do this right now?
Ted: [singing] On your superdate Troubles of the world will simply have to wait For wonders and amazement
served up on a silver plate Hurry up now, don't be late Because hand in hand You'll find a land Where paradise awaits [talking] And then, boom! Fireworks over the Manhattan skyline, you kiss her... [singing] And that's your super date.
Barney: That sounds gooey and romantic.
Quote from Intervention
[flashback to Marshall arriving at the apartment as Ted stacks books on a shelf:]
Marshall: Hey. What's that?
Ted: A 1986 World Book encyclopaedia. [en-sahy-kluh-pay-dee-uh] It's exactly the one I grew up with.
Ted: Oh, you think it should be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia. It's a common mistake. But if you look at that squished together "ae" symbol in this here encyclopaedia, you'll learn that it's a ligature derived from the Anglo-Saxon rune...
[The bookshelves collapse, ripping off a portion of plasterboard and exposing the building's red brick walls]
Marshall: You know, you're gonna have to paedia for that.
Quote from We're Not From Here
Ted: New Jersey is not "pretty much New York". You are not "pretty much New Yorkers".
Colleen: And how would you know?
Ted: Because I live here. That's right. I live here. Yes, we're full of crap. Yes, we pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. But you know what's even worse than that?! Saying you're a New Yorker when you're not. Because, this is the greatest city in the world and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker. So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel and flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"? Because I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey!