Barney Quote #908
Quote from Barney in Mosbius Designs
Barney: Ah, ah, Lily. I heard this great joke at work.
Ted: Dude, come on. She's not gonna like it. It's boy-funny. It's not girl-funny.
Barney: That is sexist! Funny is funny, Ted. Lily's cool. She'll appreciate this.
Marshall: Oh, you're on your own, man.
Lily: Just tell me the joke.
Barney: Okay. Ready? Lily, what's the difference between peanut butter and jam? See? It's funny.
Ted: It's boy-funny.
Marshall: She's not gonna like it.
Lily: Why don't you let me decide? What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?
Future Ted: [v.o.] And then Barney said the punch line. To this day, it's still the dirtiest joke I've ever heard in my life. And no, I'm not gonna say it.
Lily: Yeah, I can't hang out with you anymore.
Barney: Oh, come on. That's a funny joke. That...
Ted: Told you.
Barney: She'll be back.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And we didn't see Lily for four weeks.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Mosbius Designs’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Barney: Hey, hey. If Ted says that PJ is important to the company, then PJ is not going anywhere.
Ted: See? He's very valuable.
Barney: Well, whoa. PJ's a guy? PJ's not some hot chick you're banging?
Ted: No, I'm mentoring him.
Barney: Oh, mentoring. I mentored a young fellow once. Even made him my wingman. Then, one day, he hired an assistant to work ten feet from his bedroom who... get this... isn't a hot chick, proving he never listened to a word I said. And do you know that young man's name?
Ted: Ted Mosby?
Barney: Maybe. I don't remember. Because he is dead to me! PJ's gonna be getting a very confusing card in the mail, along with a garment that he should by no means wear for three days and then mail back to me.
Quote from Ted
Robin: Hey, you okay?
Ted: What if I don't think of the books?
Robin: Excuse me?
Ted: There's this famous architecture story about an architect who designed this library. It was perfect. But every year, the whole thing would sink a couple inches into the ground. Eventually, the building was condemned. He forgot to account for the weight of the books. This company... it's just me. What if I don't think of the books?
Robin: Okay. First of all, nobody goes to libraries anymore, so who cares about that guy? Secondly, you need to get on the phone and start calling clients.
Ted: The longer I put off starting my own firm, the longer it can remain a dream and not something I screwed up at. It's like I'm giving up before I even started.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Hey. You hear there's gonna be more layoffs?
Marshall: I know. I'm freaking out. Are you worried?
Barney: Are you kidding? The things I know about this company. I won't ever be fired. I mean, there's a pretty good chance one day I'll wash up on shore with no fingerprints or teeth, but I won't be fired.