Barney Quote #389
Future Ted: That same night, aunt Lily was having a wedding shower. And Robin showed up gift in hand. Funny story about that gift.
Robin: Hey, Barney, check out what I got Lily for her shower. It's kind of racy. Think you can handle it?
Barney: Uh, I've been in a ten-way. So, yeah.
Robin: It's kind of see-through.
Barney: Whoa, ho ho! You weren't kidding! You know when you should give that to her? 1850. Robin, it's her bridal shower! All her friends are gonna be there, they're going to be drinking. You need to get her something daring, something outrageous.
Robin: Well, what do you think I should get her?
Barney: There's a store on Eighth Avenue that specializes in... How to put this delicately? Uh, battery-powered, adult-recreational fake penises.
Future Ted: And so Aunt Robin went to a store on Eighth Avenue, and a battery-powered, adult-recreational... Well, it was something inappropriate. And we're back in.
Quote from Lily
Lily: I can't believe you got me this.
Robin: Oh, I only did it as a joke. I can return it for you you want.
Lily: Oh, no, it's okay. You don't have to go all the way back down there. I'll, I'll just throw it away.
Robin: Well, I mean, if you were going to throw it away, maybe I'll take it in case I get invited to another wedding shower. It's a great gag gift.
Lily: Yeah, it's really funny. You know who would get a kick out of it? Marshall. So, so maybe I'll just hold on to it.
Robin: I would be embarrassed if Marshall found out that I bought it for you, so I'd better just take it.
Lily: Robin, leave it.
Quote from Future Ted
Future Ted: [v.o.] So, when the day arrived, we all climbed into a rented Escalade and set out. Now, every bachelor party is usually made up of the same stock characters. You've got the groom, the best man, the guy who speaks only in clichés...
Stuart: Dead man walking!
Future Ted: ...the guy who disappears at the beginning of the night and doesn't show up again until the end.
Brad: All right, who's up for a little blackjack before we check in.
Barney: No, no, no.
Marshall: None for me.
Ted: See you guys back at the room, then.
Future Ted: And, of course, well... Barney. Every bachelor party has a Barney.
Quote from Robin
Grandma Lois: When I was a girl, my mother taught me and my sister to use it. We used to have contests to see who could finish faster. It was so exciting. The whole family would gather around to watch. And when I was a new bride, this is what kept me buzy all those long nights when your grandfather was in Korea. And speaking of your grandfather, though I don't think he'd care to admit this to any of his army buddies, but... he'd have a go at it every once in a while. And he enjoyed it. Oh, open it up, sweetie. May this give for you as much joy as it's brought me.
Lily: [Lily is speechless when she opens the gift] .... Grandma, um... Wow.
Grandma Lois: Well, take it out, honey. I want to show you how to use it.
Robin: Okay, no, no! Don't take it out. Lily, that's not your grandma's gift. It's mine. I panicked, and I switched the cards because I was embarrassed.