Ted Quote #38

Quote from Ted in Matchmaker

Ellen: You I can work with. You give me three days and I will find the woman you will marry.
Ted: Ah, no thanks. I don't need an algorithm to meet women. It's New York City. You know, plenty of fish in the sea.
Ellen: Plenty of fish in the sea. Yes, there's 9 million people in New York, 4.5 million women. Of course you wanna meet someone roughly your own age, let's say, plus/minus 5 years. So if we take into account the most recent census data, that leaves us with 482,000. But, uh, wait! 48% of those are already in relationships and then you have to eliminate half for intelligence, sense of humor and compatibility. And then you have to take out the ex-girlfriends and the relatives and oh, we can't forget those lesbians and then that leaves us with... eight women.
Ted: That can't be right. Eight? Really, eight?
Ellen: There are eight fish in that big, blue ocean, Ted. And if you feel confident that you can reel one into your boat without me, there's the door.
Ted: Do you take credit cards?

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 ‘Matchmaker’ Quotes

Quote from Lily

Barney: So did you get a good look at it?
Lily: Yeah. It has six legs, a hard exoskeleton like a roach...
Marshall: But it has mouse-like characteristics. Grey-brown tufts of fur, a tail.
Robin: So which is it, a cockroach or a mouse?
Lily: It's a cockamouse.

Quote from Ted

Ted: I'm not going to a matchmaker. That's like giving up. It's the man version of getting a cat.

Quote from Barney

Barney: We're signing up.
Ted: What?
Barney: Ted, these chicks are desperate and hot. That's a perfect cocktail. Shake well, then sleep with.