Future Ted: [v.o.] It all started when Barney got a little friendly advice from a coworker.
Arthur: Get a prenup, or I'll neuter you before she ever has a chance!
Barney: First of all, if you have an onion bagel, you don't need scallion cream cheese. [gagging] Secondly, Quinn is a great girl. I trust her.
Arthur: Oh, Darlene was a great girl. I trusted her. And then she took everything! My house, my car... my dog Tugboat. I even lost out with the kids. Full custody! I got full custody of those kids!
Barney: Your kids are horrible.
Arthur: The worst. Barney, I watched as Darlene cut everything good out of my life like a deranged surgeon hacking out organs, and that's not a metaphor. She got one of my kidneys. [musical horror sting] That's her ringtone. I have nothing left to give you, Darlene!