Marshall: I am not irrelevant. I ran the numbers. If Lily and I have sex twice a week, which, let's be honest, we all know is being conservative. And we've been together for ten years, plus seventeen more times on the honeymoon, minus the two week drought when I said the checker at the grocery store reminded me of a young Lily. Then we have had sex a total of... wait for it...
Barney: Nice.
Marshall: 1,053 and a half times. My mom called once. But that's more times than Barney has ever had sex and to your point, Ted, Lily is a quality girl. I win. Lawyered.
Barney: Doesn't count.
Marshall: Totally counts.
Ted: You're right, it counts. It counts as one. You've had sex once. How was it?
Marshall: I still matter.