[2018:]
Lily: That woman is half your age. Haven't you changed, even a little?
Barney: No. I haven't. Look, I know there was a time when it seemed like I was capable of going the distance, but... if it wasn't gonna happen with Robin, then it's just not gonna happen with anyone. I am never gonna be a guy who meets a girl and, from the first time I see her, I'm just like... [to a passing woman] "You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours forever."
Woman: Really?
Barney: No, I'm just making a point. Move it along. That's not me. I'm the guy who straightens his tie, says something dirty, high-fives himself and then goes and talks to that girl over there. That's me. Can I please... just be me?
Lily: Judge Fudge?
Marshall: I'll allow it.
Barney: Then I'll a-plow it. Self-five. Stinson out.