Ted: Okay, look, I've never told you guys this, but over the years, a few of my old high school buddies have asked me to give wedding toasts, and they haven't gone great. [v.o.] Somehow those weddings all fell smack-dab in the worst moments of my life.
[flashback to a wedding in 2008:]
Ted: Joel and Mora's love is a beautiful thing. I thought I had that... till my fiancee left me at the altar last week. I was asked not to talk about this, so I won't. [sobbing] I sit outside her house at night sometimes. She got a haircut.
[flashback to a wedding in 2009:]
Ted: After I lost my job last week, uh, I was asked not to give this toast... [The groom tries to take the mic] No, no, no! The happy couple needs to hear this. Things end. But from the ashes of your statistically probable divorce, hope can rise anew. That is why I'm starting my own architecture firm, Mosbius Designs.
[flashback to a wedding three months later:]
Ted: Mosbius Designs has failed. But Alex and Jessica's love reminds us that... [sobs] Oh, God!
Punchy: Classic Schmosby.