Loretta: Honey, are you okay?
Barney: Look, Mom, there's something I have to tell you. Something I should have told you a long time ago. Tyler is dying. And Betty said that when he goes, she's gonna off herself. So that's probably all gonna go down pretty soon.
Loretta: Oh, my God!
Barney: Okay. No, no! None of that is true! The truth is, I... The truth is Betty and Tyler are actors that I hired to pretend to be my family.
Loretta: What?
Barney: I just wanted you to think I had the life you wanted for me. I wanted you to be proud of me. I know it sounds crazy, and I am so sorry, Mom.
Loretta: So Betty is not your wife?
Barney: No.
Loretta: Thank God! I do not like that woman.
Barney: Really?
Loretta: Yes. And Tyler... I know I'm his grandma and I'm supposed to love him, but I hate that kid. "Tyler no likey!" What the hell is that?
Barney: Right?
Loretta: And those fake friends of yours out there, I just wanted to shoot myself.
Barney: I know. Aren't they horrible?