Ted Mosby Porn Star: We have met. My real name is Steve Biel. When I was in fourth grade, you were in ninth, and, and one day I was out behind the school and a bunch of seventh graders were just beating the crap out of me.
Ted: Oh, yeah, I remember. That was you?
Ted Mosby Porn Star: Yeah, but you pulled them off me. You told them to go pick on someone their own size. I vowed right then that when I made something of myself, I would honor you somehow.
Ted: So you took my name and starred in Welcome To The Sex Truck?
Ted Mosby Porn Star: Yeah.
Ted: Um. Yeah, listen, Ted, you got to stop using my name. I, I'm trying to make a career as an architect.
Ted Mosby Porn Star: Architect, huh? You mean like a sex architect?
Ted: What?
Barney: Yeah, you know, you're on to something. That would make a great title of a film. Ted Mosby, Sex Architect.
Ted Mosby Porn Star: You know, I'm actually looking for a new project to shoot next Friday afternoon.
Ted: Yeah, listen, isn't, isn't there some other way you could honor me? With all due respect.
Ted Mosby Porn Star: Wait, you're not mad, are you? Oh, man, I knew it. My father said, "Just plant a tree in Israel." I'm such an idiot. I guess I thought you'd be psyched.
Ted: I am. I am, it's just I feel a little guilty because I'm not the one who saved you that day. The guy who actually saved you was named... Lance Hardwood.
Barney: Lance Hardwood, yeah.
Ted Mosby Porn Star: Really? You know, you might not know this, but, in my business, that's kind of a killer name.
Ted: Yeah, I guess... I guess it is.
Ted Mosby Porn Star: I can see the poster now. Lance Hardwood, Sex Architect. Starring Ted Mosby.
Barney: I love it.