Jill: After checking out 300 frames, I finally found the perfect pair.
Brad: And they're very cool.
Randy: Extremely slimming.
Jill: For what they cost me, I could've hired somebody to read for me.
Lucille: [enters] Hi, honey.
Jill: Hi, Lucille.
Lucille: Sorry I'm late.
Jill: Oh, that's okay. I'm having trouble with this recipe. What does this mean when they say coddle an egg?
Lucille: Oh, hello, egg. Look at your cute little yolk. Let me look at this here. [puts on glasses]
Jill: Oh, my God. You have the same Gianni Firenzi glasses.
Lucille: Oh, I didn't know what they were called. They were giving them away at the car wash.

Tim: We're here at Willow Run at a blacksmith's shop. A special show...
Tim & Al: Tool Time's Timeless Tools.
Tim: And we needed help, so we enlisted the help of Delvin Horsted, our blacksmith. Delvin? Welcome to the show, Delvin.
Delvin Horsted: Some welcome. You kept me waiting outside my own shop by the manure pile.
Al: Well, that stinks. And we're very sorry about that. But what a nice place you have here, Delvin.
Delvin Horsted: Thank you. It was built in 1910 by my father Melvin.
Tim: Ah. [chuckles] What was your grandpa's name, Shmelvin?
Delvin Horsted: Yes.

Randy: You know, if you want, I can hold that across the room for you.
Jill: What are you talking about? This is a very comfortable position for reading.
Mark: Face it, Mom. You need glasses.
Jill: Don't be ridiculous. I've always had excellent eyesight.
Randy: Yeah, but now you're old.
Jill: Excuse me. I come from good eye stock. Nobody in my family has ever needed glasses.
Brad: Mom, have you driven with Grandma lately?

Tim: My big brother's in town. You know what that means.
Jill: Ah. Dusting off the old bald jokes?
Tim: Yeah. "Hey, Jeff. I love what you've done with your hair."
Jill: And?
Tim: That's as far as I've gotten.

Tim: Maybe I can get that $1,200 back he owes me.
Jill: Yeah, forget about it. They say if you loan money to family, you gotta think of it as a gift.
Tim: However, this was not a gift. It was a business loan. And his business is up and running. It would be a perfect time to get that money back.
Jill: I love Jeff. He's a great guy, but he's not great with money. You're never gonna see a dime of that.
Tim: Really? I say tonight I come back with that money, or... or I'll give up a day with the hot rod to spend with you.
Jill: And how romantic that'll be under those circumstances.
Tim: Don't worry. It's never gonna happen.

Marty: Hey, Jeff. Tim's here. And if I were you, I'd put on a hat.

Tim: Mom, whatever you're cooking, it smells great.
Lucille: Well, actually, Jeff cooked the dinner. Used his own recipe and his own pots and pans.
Tim: You're traveling with cookware now?
Jeff: Well, I check the pots curbside. Of course, the spatulas and the skillets are carry-ons.
Lucille: Now you boys are both here, we've got something to tell you. There is a reason that Jeff is traveling with pots and pans.
Marty: Jeff's become a Gypsy.
Tim: Hey, that's perfect. You can now wear a babushka now to cover everything up.

Randy: Mom.
Jill: OK, OK. All right. I am a very old woman who needs glasses. There. I said it. Are you happy?
Randy: Actually, I was just gonna ask you to pass the butter.
Mark: Mom, if you're so freaked out about getting glasses, why don't you just get contacts like me?
Jill: Because I only need them for reading. Then I'll just be putting them in and taking them out all day long.
Brad: You could get those glasses on a chain like our librarian, Mrs. Potemkin.

Tim: Morning, everybody.
Jill: Where were you last night? I didn't even hear you come in.
Tim: Well, you know about those Taylor get-togethers. We start reminiscing, next thing you know, we're all oiled up, wrestling for quarters. I tell you, that mother-in-law of yours can do a fierce body slam. Ba-da-bing!

Jeff: Hey, Tim.
Tim: Where's your date?
Jeff: Right here.
Tim: Whoo-hee! And what a looker!
Jeff: Well, my date stood me up, so I figured I'd treat my little brother.
Marty: Yeah. He said if I'm good, he'd buy me a Sno-Cone.
Tim: Uh, I'd like to talk to Jeff in private. Go stick my finger in your back seat.
Marty: You make it sound so dirty.