Tim: Welcome to Tool Time. I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. You all know my assistant, Al Borland. You know, there's a lot of stereotypes about construction workers today.
Al: But the times, they are a-changing.
Tim: [imitates harmonica]

Tim: The most common stereotypes about construction workers is their hootin' and hollerin' at every pretty woman that passes by.
Pete: That's pretty much a thing of the past, Tim, especially at K & B. Our new foreman, Les, doesn't go for that kind of stuff.
Tim: Maybe one of these days we should get Les down here to talk about it.
Pete: Actually, Tim, since we are discussing changing attitudes on the job site, I brought my new foreman with me. Would you like to meet Les?
Tim: Yeah! Let's bring him down here. [a woman walks onto the set from the audience] You're the foreman?
Les: Uh-huh.
Tim: You're a woman.
Les: [laughs] Can't put anything past you.

Tim: Well! A woman foreman. It must be kinda hard gettin' the guys at the construction site to listen to you.
Les: Why would it be hard?
[Tim looks to the construction guys in the audience for encouragement, but they are all stoney-faced]
Tim: [nervous laugh] Some guys have trouble taking orders from women. [off her look] Not me, 'cause I take orders from my wife all the time.
Les: Huh. Well, it hasn't been a problem. I mean, I've been working with the guys for a while now and they realize I know what I'm doing.

Jill: Could you possibly be working on my Mother's Day gift?
Tim: Possibly.
Jill: Ohhh...! Thank you for listening to all those hints I've been dropping. I'm just gonna love my new herb garden.
Tim: Your what garden?
Jill: Well, I've always wanted to grow my own basil. It's gonna be great.
Tim: Well, it's a good thing I built you an herb garden and didn't buy you a hot tub.
Jill: Well, yeah. I mean, what would I need with a hot tub? I've got a whirlpool upstairs.
Tim: That's where I'm gonna put your herb garden, right here.

Jill: Where did you move the swing set?
Tim: I gave it to Pete Bilker, one of the guys from K & B Construction. It's for his little boy.
Jill: Were the boys OK with that?
Tim: Yeah. They don't use it anymore, except for tying Mark up.
Jill: Yeah, I know. It's just... It looks so strange out here without it. I mean, you built that thing... well, when Brad was a baby.
Tim: Now you can raise basil.
Jill: Remember how much fun they had playing on it when they were really little? How we marked their heights every year, everyone's, on that wooden post?
Tim: I was always the tallest.
Jill: I will never forget how hard it was for Randy to learn to swing on his own and how happy he was when he finally got it.
Tim: Jill, are you upset that I gave the swing set away?
Jill: No! No, no. I'll get used to it. Herbs are fun. You know, it's... gosh, it's chilly out here. I'm gonna go up to bed. I'll see you later. Good night.

Al: Psst! Tim! Is the coast clear? Mother and I have the hot tub off the flatbed.
Tim: The hot tub is out. Tell your mom to hoist it back up there.
Al: Oh, man!

Tim: Hey, Pete! Come on in.
Pete: Hey, Timmy.
Tim: How are you?
Pete: I'd like you to meet Little Pete.
Tim: Hi, Little Pete. How you doin'?
Little Pete: Hi.
Pete: I brought him with me today because he has something he wants to tell you.
Little Pete: Thank you for my swing set, Mr. Tool Man.
Tim: [nervous chuckle] Oh. Uh... come on in, you guys. You want a cookie or somethin'?
Little Pete: Thank you, Mr. Tool Man.
Tim: You're in luck. My favorite - chocolate chip. Help yourself. Put some on the table over there.

Little Pete: These are great cookies, Mr. Tool Man. Can I take some for when I'm playing on my swing set?
Tim: Little Pete, about that swing set.
Little Pete: Yes, Mr. Tool Man?
Tim: How... How would you feel if I took that old one back? It has a lot of splinters in it - and built you a brand-new one?
Pete: Now, Tim, that's not really necessary.
Tim: Oh, yes, it is.
Little Pete: Is it gonna have a teeter-totter?
Tim: You bet.
Little Pete: Is it gonna have a sandbox?
Tim: Yeah. A huge sandbox!
Little Pete: Is it gonna have a tree house?
Tim: A what? A tree house? Swing sets don't have tree houses.
Little Pete: They have one at the park.
Tim: Why not? We'll put a tree house on it for you, too.
Pete: Thank you, Tim.
Tim: You bet, buddy.
Little Pete: Mr. Tool Man, can you come to my school for show and tell?

Al: By the way, what type of food are you going to have at your victory party?
Les: Buffalo wings and three kinds of dipping sauces.
Al: Ooh, buffalo wings?
Tim: Ladies? Ladies, could we...?

Al: All right. Our next category - "You Auto Know." [musical sound]
Tim: All right.
Al: Les, your question is, "You're building a '79 Pontiac with a 151-cubic-inch, four-cylinder engine and you want to run roller tip rockers. Are the 151 rockers interchangeable with the stock rockers on a small-block Chevy?"
Les: [sighs] That's a really tough question.
Tim: Well, if it's too tough for you, Ms. Buffalo Wings and three sauces... I can take that one.
Les: Luckily I know more about cars than tools.
Tim: Really?
Les: No, they're not interchangeable. The 151 rocker arm fulcrum-to-tip distance is greater than a small-block's, so it can't be used if you want to maintain acceptable valve train geometry. [bell dings] I'll also be having a cappuccino bar and assorted sorbets.