Tim: While we're waiting for Al, maybe Judith can help me work on this running toilet. Now, I know it probably sounds complicated, but it's not. Take the lid off. You follow the rod 'till you get this little puffy ball right on the end here...
Judith: Puffy ball?
Tim: Right, on the end...
Judith: [laughs] You mean the float arm that's attached to the ball cock?
Tim: I was trying to make it simple.
Judith: You saying I'm simple?
Tim: No. No. I'm trying to use a language we would all understand. Then you want to take your flat-tip screwdriver, make your adjustment.
Judith: [laughs] You don't need all that.
Tim: The proper way to do it...
Judith: You don't need all that.
Tim: You gotta...
Judith: If the toilet is running. You just grab the rod... and bend it.
Tim: Ouch! Looks like that's not the first rod you've bent.
Judith: Whoo-hoo, you've got that right. [laughs] Hey, we can't wait around for our husbands to get off the couch and do something useful, can we? [women cheer] Hey, you doggone right! I know it can't happen. [laughs]

Tim: Well, Rita, how would you like to help me unclog this sink?
Jill: No, I don't think it's a good idea. My husband always yells at me a lot when he tries to teach me something.
Tim: That's probably because he used metamessages. That's making things sound more complicated than they are. Using technical jargon to make women feel inferior. And I'm sure he didn't know he was doing that and I'm sure he's real sorry that he did that.
Jill: Well, I wouldn't mind learning if my husband were as patient and understanding as you are. Although, I must say, he is your biggest fan.

Tim: Well, what do you think? This is the frame to a '34 ford Roadster. The beginning of my dream hot rod.
Brad: Dad, this thing's awesome.
Randy: What's the big deal? It doesn't even have an engine.
Tim: Well, not yet. I've got to build it. I think I'm going to use a small block Chevy 350, stainless steel headers, chrome valves, pink rods, dual exhaust, glass... Honey, what do you think?
Jill: Well, you finally got your convertible.
Tim: Honey.

Jill: Honey, you have to finish your homework.
Brad: Oh, man.
Tim: No "oh, mans". Do as she says. When you finish your homework. Then you can help me.
Brad: All right.
Tim: Hey, Randy. You finish your homework?
Randy: Yeah.
Tim: You want to help?
Randy: No.
Tim: Where did I go wrong with him?
Jill: Don't worry about it. He's not yours.

Tim: Well? Pretty cool, huh? Not much pitting. It's really true and square, a little bit of rust. I went through every junkyard in Detroit to find this. I paid practically nothing.
Jill: You paid too much.

Tim: Since I was a kid. I wanted a hot rod. Not a pro street rod. Nothing fancy, just a driver, man. When I get done, every bolt, every weld, every detail is going to be built by these hands. I'll be part of it, it'll be part of me.
Jill: Honey, I do understand. Now, I want you to come in and be part of our sink.
Tim: I know it seems like a rusted piece of junk.
Jill: Tim, it is a rusted piece of junk.
Tim: To you. But to me, it looks like this.
Jill: [laughs] You actually see a car in that picture?
Tim: It's under Rita.
Jill: Rita!
Tim: She's the pro stock girl. They just use her to make the car look good.
Jill: And a darn fine job she's doing, too.
Tim: Boy, isn't she ever.

Jill: Tim, every time you try to teach me anything, you get impatient and you end up yelling.
Tim: When was the last time I yelled at you?
Jill: When you showed me how to assemble the patio furniture.
Tim: You snapped the heads right off the bolts.
Jill: You told me to turn the wrench as hard as I could.
Tim: Most people would stop turning when the wood starts cracking.
Jill: Well, I would've heard the wood cracking if you hadn't been yelling.
Tim: I wasn't yelling...
Jill: You were yelling! [Tim grunts]

Tim: OK, first thing we want to do is remove the trap.
Jill: The curved thingy?
Tim: Well, that would be the technical term. To remove the trap, we have to have the proper tool. For that, we use the trusty monkey wrench. You'll notice one side is fixed, it's serrated on both sides...
Jill: Why do they call it a monkey wrench?
Tim: They call it a monkey wrench because even a monkey can use it.
Jill: Thank you, Cheetah.

Tim: Give me the wrench. I'll do it.
Jill: Fine, you do it.
Tim: OK, fine, I will. [Jill walks off] At least I know what I'm doing. Ow!
Jill: Is that the coupling or the flange?

Tim: The point is, I learned how to do it. I don't see you out there changing spark plugs.
Jill: Do you want me to go out and change the spark plugs?
Tim: You don't know how to do it.
Jill: That's why I don't do it.
Tim: Hey, where're you going?
Jill: I'm leaving.
Tim: I'm not done talking yet.
Jill: Well, it's not my fault that you never learned how to finish a conversation. [Tim grunts]