Tim Quote #1870
Quote from Tim in That's My Momma
Lucille: Do you know what I dread most about moving?
Jill: Leaving your memories behind?
Lucille: No. Leaving Hector the handyman behind. [Jill laughs] Whenever Tim pulls out of my driveway after fixing something, I speed dial Hector.
Jill: Believe me, I understand. And don't tell Tim that I gave you this number. This is Joe the handyman.
Lucille: Oh, thank you.
Tim: Oh, boy. Wife and mother in the same room. [grunts] Can't be good for me.
Jill: Your mother was just saying how nice it'll be when she's living close by.
Tim: Yeah. I'm nearby. I can stop by and fix things any time you want.
Lucille: Gee, thanks, Tim. I can't tell you what a feeling of security that gives me. Now I can just buy a house and not worry about a thing.
Tim: Really? You gave her Joe's number, didn't you?
Jill: Yep.
Tim: Good, 'cause he's a lot better than Hector.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘That's My Momma’ Quotes
Quote from Al
Al: Boy, it was awfully nice of you to invite me down for coffee. You haven't done that in a long time. Or ever.
Tim: I thought it'd give us a good chance to talk.
Al: Oh, yeah? About what?
Tim: Mothers.
Al: Oh, no. No. Oh, boy, I should've seen this one coming. You invited me down here to make fun of my mother.
Tim: No.
Al: OK, well, what's it gonna be today? More fat jokes? Oh, you've already done all those. How about her perspiration problem? Or maybe the way her jowls sway. Or how about the way the skin under her arms wobble?
Quote from Wilson
Tim: What do you think?
Wilson: Well, Tim, I think that you may already know the answer.
Tim: I already have the answer?
Wilson: Yes. I'm reminded of something you told me a couple of years ago about your father.
Tim: What does my father have to do with this?
Wilson: Well, do you remember telling me that the great regret of your life is that you never got to know him very well?
Tim: Well, he died when I was 11. I didn't have the chance to get to know him.
Wilson: Well, your mom's still alive. You wanna ruin that chance with her?
Quote from Brad
Lucille: I'm taking us to our annual ice-cream breakfast at Leo's Sugar Shack.
Randy: All right.
Lucille: And what restaurant are we going to tell your parents we went to?
Brad: The Healthy Vegetable.
Lucille: Very good. And, Mark, if anybody asks, you had...
Mark: A wheat-germ omelet.
Lucille: Excellent. Brad?
Brad: I had bean turd.
Lucille: That's bean curd.
Brad: Oh. Well, they taste the same.