Tim Quote #1551
Quote from Tim in A House Divided
Tim: All right. Fixing that leaky valve involves taking the plate off this old furnace here. Sometimes these old furnaces are tough, you know. You gotta... Oh, boy! When they're old like this, you gotta really... [Al effortlessly lifts the cover off] Yeah, right. After I loosened it for you. Marv, if you get down here, we'll find that valve. In these ones they're hard to see 'cause sometimes they're... [Al points Tim's flashlight to the valve] right there in front of you. There's that pesky little devil, there. Now, the first thing we wanna do is loosen up the flexible connector with a seven-eighths-inch wrench. All right.
Al: Then you wanna loosen the module control wires, here.
Tim: Then you wanna loosen up Al with a stiff martini.
Al: Simply unscrew the old gas valve like that. Now we're ready for the new one. However, before we put this in, we want to seal the valve at both the gas inlet and outlet. For that we need a compound known as plumber's dope. Tim, where's the plumber's dope?
Tim: [goofy voice] It's right here. Ha ha ha ha! Sorry I'm late. Hi, Al. Sorry I'm late. I thought the basement was upstairs. Ha ha ha.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘A House Divided’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Jill: Hey, guys, can you keep it down?
Tim: Yeah, yeah. Come on, Benny.
Benny: Hiya, roomie.
Jill: I beg your pardon?
Tim: Didn't I tell you I was gonna tell her?
Benny: Tim blew up my house. Need I say more?
Tim: I didn't blow up your house. I didn't blow up his house.
Quote from Tim
Al: Benny! Did your aunt happen to mention that there's also a gas leak in the stove?
Benny: Maybe. It's hard to understand her when she's not wearing her teeth.
Al: You realize there's the possibility gas has been leaking into this house for the last half hour? The slightest spark could cause combustion.
Benny: Take it easy. I disconnected all the electrical appliances like you told me.
Al: Ah, good.
Benny: Except that lamp over there. But you don't have to worry. It's the kind that only goes on when you clap.
Tim: Come on, guys. Let's go. [claps]
[After Al and Benny see the lamp turn on, Al grabs Tim and they dive for cover before the house explodes]
Tim: Let me guess. There was another leak?
Al: The stove.
Tim: Benny!
Quote from Benny
Benny: Can you guys loan me a space heater?
Al: What for?
Benny: The furnace in my residence has a gas leak. I don't have the means to get it fixed.
Harry: What kind of dump are you living in now?
Benny: For your edification, it's an eight-room house. One room, I'm not sure what it is. It's got a lot of books in it.
Tim: The bathroom.
Al: You can't afford an eight-room house.
Benny: True, but my beloved aunt is in Florida for a few months. And while the aunt's away, the nephew will stay.
Tim: My guess is he won't pay.
Benny: And I'm covered till May.