Tim Quote #1553

Quote from Tim in A House Divided

Al: Benny! Did your aunt happen to mention that there's also a gas leak in the stove?
Benny: Maybe. It's hard to understand her when she's not wearing her teeth.
Al: You realize there's the possibility gas has been leaking into this house for the last half hour? The slightest spark could cause combustion.
Benny: Take it easy. I disconnected all the electrical appliances like you told me.
Al: Ah, good.
Benny: Except that lamp over there. But you don't have to worry. It's the kind that only goes on when you clap.
Tim: Come on, guys. Let's go. [claps]
[After Al and Benny see the lamp turn on, Al grabs Tim and they dive for cover before the house explodes]
Tim: Let me guess. There was another leak?
Al: The stove.
Tim: Benny!


 ‘A House Divided’ Quotes

Quote from Tim

Jill: Hey, guys, can you keep it down?
Tim: Yeah, yeah. Come on, Benny.
Benny: Hiya, roomie.
Jill: I beg your pardon?
Tim: Didn't I tell you I was gonna tell her?
Benny: Tim blew up my house. Need I say more?
Tim: I didn't blow up your house. I didn't blow up his house.

Quote from Benny

Benny: Can you guys loan me a space heater?
Al: What for?
Benny: The furnace in my residence has a gas leak. I don't have the means to get it fixed.
Harry: What kind of dump are you living in now?
Benny: For your edification, it's an eight-room house. One room, I'm not sure what it is. It's got a lot of books in it.
Tim: The bathroom.
Al: You can't afford an eight-room house.
Benny: True, but my beloved aunt is in Florida for a few months. And while the aunt's away, the nephew will stay.
Tim: My guess is he won't pay.
Benny: And I'm covered till May.

 Tim Taylor Quotes

Quote from At Sea

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind

Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.