Tim Quote #88
Quote from Tim in Adventures in Fine Dining
Tim: When laying down that hardwood floor, you could use a hammer and nails. But why would you? That'd take forever. I think what we need here is...
Audience: More power.
Tim: I was thinking right along those lines myself. Now, look what Al brought us out here. The Binford 3-11 series B power nail driver. Thank you, Al.
Al: You're welcome, Tim.
Tim: That's etiquette. Always thank your coworker. Try to say something nice. Al, good-looking slacks. [chuckles] Whoo. That bad boy's raw power. [grunts] The kind of power you need to attach a phone book to a cinder-block wall.
Al: Uh, Tim, you might want to remind our viewers that the Binford 3-11 has that new safety lock.
Tim: I'm sure it does, Al.
Al: Well, it's been completely redesigned.
Tim: Al, I grew up with these things. Heck, that is a little different to what I'm used to seeing, isn't it? Well, all safeties are basically a solenoid. Very impossible to shoot it when you don't want to shoot it. [gun goes off] Ow! Hey. [high-pitched] Tell you what. We'll go to a break right now. [o.s.] Get me out of this.
Al: [o.s.] Boy, that's gotta hurt.
Tim: [o.s.] Yeah, Al, it does. Feels kinda like that. [gun fires]
Al: [o.s.] Argh!
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Adventures in Fine Dining’ Quotes
Quote from Randy
Brad: Mom.
Jill: What?
Brad: Dad's cussing.
Tim: I'm not cussing.
Mark: He said a bad word.
Tim: It wasn't bad.
Randy: Yeah, he said "hell" and "damn".
Tim: I did not say "damn".
Randy: Now you did.
Quote from Tim
Jill: Now, what are we gonna do about our boys' table manners?
Tim: You should give a refresher course.
Jill: Me? What about you?
Tim: [mouth full] Honey, I'm a man. What do I know about manners?
Jill: I see. So table manners are the woman's job.
Tim: Historically. Jill, yes, that's the case. Emily Post. Amy Vanderbilt. And, of course, who could forget Miss Manners? I don't recall an etiquette column called "Ask Chuck". "You know, Chuck, I've been eating pot roast all my life. Get that little gristle piece stuck in the middle of my tooth. Do you suck it out with the tongue or ask somebody to do it? Help me out. Haul that thing out."
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: The problem with your boys is they don't know how to channel their mealtime aggression.
Tim: Mealtime aggression?
Wilson: See, Tim, primitive man was a hunter. He had an intimate relationship with his food.
Tim: Lot of dating with wildebeest going on?
Wilson: No, no, no. I'm talking about a spiritual intimacy. They were at one with their meat.
Tim: [inquisitive grunt]
Wilson: The hunter would stalk and kill his prey, then pay homage to the animal spirit. He would give thanks to the animal for giving its life. But the primitive man in us is confused. Today our food comes to the table. We don't know how it got there.
Tim: Gives you something to think about when you open a can of Spam, doesn't it?
Wilson: Yes, indeedy.