Randy Quote #370
Quote from Randy in Losing My Religion
Elaine: Gin. [laughs] One, two. Well... You owe me $362,000.
Randy: Settle for a stick of gum?
Elaine: No. Cash or your pants.
Randy: I'll owe ya. You know, you're one heck of a card player.
Elaine: That's what they said in Vegas. Before they kicked me out for counting cards. Luckily, I got a gig driving a truck.
Randy: Wait a second. You drove a big rig?
Elaine: An 18-wheeler. I met my husband at a truck stop in Reno. I divorced him at the next one. [Randy laughs] You think that's funny?
Randy: Yeah. No. Is any of this true?
Elaine: Some of it. You ever been to Vegas?
Randy: Yeah. Went last year. Got a fake ID, hooked up with a showgirl, and won 12 grand.
Elaine: Any of that true?
Randy: Not a word.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Losing My Religion’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Tim: You know, there's a place where people get together and pray for God's protection.
Randy: Dad, I'm not going to church.
Tim: I was talking about Tool Time.
Quote from Jill
Jill: So what exactly are you going to be doing at the hospice?
Randy: I'll be spending my time with a woman named Elaine. You know, we'll play cards, watch videos.
Tim: Hey, why don't you take her some old Tool Time videos?
Jill: The woman has suffered enough.
Quote from Tim
Jill: What is this? I mean, you're not exactly Mr. Religious. I mean, half the time in church you fall asleep.
Tim: But I'm in the building, so I get credit.
Jill: [laughs] Is that what this is about?
Tim: That's God's plan.
Jill: God's plan?
Tim: Yes, you go to church, you get credit. You fall asleep, you lose a credit. You understand the sermon, you get extra credit. If you get enough credits, you can bypass hell and upgrade right to heaven.