Jill: We're supposed to be planning this very important event in my parents' lives and my sisters bail. I don't know why I'm surprised. I mean, they get to be crazy. I have to be the sensible one.
Wilson: Well, it can be quite a burden.
Jill: Do you have any idea what it's like to have everybody come with their problems, and expect you to solve them?
[Jill looks away as Wilson peeks over his menu]
Wilson: You know, Jill, I realize it isn't easy. A lot of people think it's a picnic for me to stand by the fence and offer up a quotation for every situation. I mean, what am I, a library?

Jill: Stop it. Stop it! You are all insane. And I'm insane for sitting here listening to this. I'm sick of all this fighting. I'm sick of playing referee in this family. And when there is no party for Mom and Dad you can tell them why. [heads upstairs]
Tim: Jill?
Linda: Well, what's wrong with her?
Tracy: Well, I don't know. I mean, she's always so sensible. At least, you'd think she'd try a little harder with family here for God's sake.
Tim: Excuse me. Excuse me. My wife has been up all night worrying because you hens won't stop bickering. Huh? She tries to do something nice for your parents and how do you thank her? You argue about a cat playing a piano and Hank Fahrvegnugen! You know what? I'm sick of this stuff too. From now on, you're no longer welcome at my sausage bar.

Randy: How can so much noise come out of one nose?
Mark: Maybe if we close it.
Randy: No, then the noise would just come out of his mouth.
Brad: Well, what if we close his nose and his mouth?
Randy: I think that's called murder.