Tim Quote #642
Quote from Tim in Dances with Tools
Mrs. Keeney: We're in the Stork Club, 1957. The band begins to play a cha-cha and we see each other across the room. Our eyes lock.
Tim: Argh!
Mrs. Keeney: The band begins to play a dance of passion. Oh, the mating ritual begins.
Tim: Lady, lady, lady. I've got a wife, you know.
Mrs. Keeney: In 1957, you had no wife. Now, let yourself go, Mr. Taylor. Don't be a prisoner of your body.
Tim: Free me, warden. I'm on parole!
Mrs. Keeney: Let's show 'em. Let's show the class those turns. Oh, with lots of speed and lots of flair.
Tim: Oh, spin me, Mr. Taylor! Really spin me!
Mrs. Keeney: [screams] [crashes into piano]
Tim: Call 911.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Dances with Tools’ Quotes
Quote from Al
Jerry Holborne: We award this certificate to Tim Taylor for his efforts to promote safety at home and on the job.
Al: You're getting an award for safety?
Tim: Yeah, I am, flannel boy. You got a problem with that?
Al: Well, I guess they didn't see the show where you fell through the roof of the project house.
Tim: Maybe they didn't, Al.
Al: Or the time you glued your head to the table.
Tim: Al!
Al: Or the time when you stapled the...
Tim: Jerry... Jerry, continue.
Jerry Holborne: Your clever staging of realistic-looking accidents clearly shows viewers what not to do. We salute you.
Quote from Jill
Andy: Hey, tool man. I love your show. [grunts]
Tim: [grunts] Oh, yeah.
Andy: You must be Mrs. Arr-arr.
Jill: Well, actually, Arr-arr-arr is my married name. My maiden name was... [high-pitched barking]
Quote from Tim
Randy: Want us to tell you what Mom got you?
Tim: [loudly] No, I don't want you to tell me what Mom got me. The surprise is half the fun. [quietly after Jill goes upstairs] I want to know and I want to know right now.
Randy: Oh, well, you know, I don't want to ruin the surprise.
Tim: Mark, two bucks?
Mark: Broom closet. Top shelf.
Tim: All right.
Randy: Hey, I didn't know there were gonna be bribes involved.
Tim: Where have you been living the last ten years?