Tim Quote #638

Quote from Tim in Dances with Tools

Randy: Want us to tell you what Mom got you?
Tim: [loudly] No, I don't want you to tell me what Mom got me. The surprise is half the fun. [quietly after Jill goes upstairs] I want to know and I want to know right now.
Randy: Oh, well, you know, I don't want to ruin the surprise.
Tim: Mark, two bucks?
Mark: Broom closet. Top shelf.
Tim: All right.
Randy: Hey, I didn't know there were gonna be bribes involved.
Tim: Where have you been living the last ten years?


 ‘Dances with Tools’ Quotes

Quote from Al

Jerry Holborne: We award this certificate to Tim Taylor for his efforts to promote safety at home and on the job.
Al: You're getting an award for safety?
Tim: Yeah, I am, flannel boy. You got a problem with that?
Al: Well, I guess they didn't see the show where you fell through the roof of the project house.
Tim: Maybe they didn't, Al.
Al: Or the time you glued your head to the table.
Tim: Al!
Al: Or the time when you stapled the...
Tim: Jerry... Jerry, continue.
Jerry Holborne: Your clever staging of realistic-looking accidents clearly shows viewers what not to do. We salute you.

Quote from Jill

Andy: Hey, tool man. I love your show. [grunts]
Tim: [grunts] Oh, yeah.
Andy: You must be Mrs. Arr-arr.
Jill: Well, actually, Arr-arr-arr is my married name. My maiden name was... [high-pitched barking]

 Tim Taylor Quotes

Quote from At Sea

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind

Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.