Tim Quote #3388
Quote from Tim in Mark's Big Break
Marty: Where are my girls?
Tim: They're on a play date with a friend of theirs, and Jill took them all to the mall. She's probably getting me something really cool for Valentine's Day.
Marty: You get her something special?
Tim: I did something she's been wanting me to do for three years, finish the hot rod. Yes, I'm getting her something special.
Marty: You know, it's funny. All the time that Nancy and I were together, I always figured Valentine's Day was just some annoying holiday that women made up.
Tim: It's true. Legend has it it was a little town called Climax, Michigan. 1964, group of women around a salad bar. One was making up Valentine's Day. The other two were inventing stuff like, "Dressings on the side," and, "I just want to be held."
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Mark's Big Break’ Quotes
Quote from Brad
Jill: Look, I know the video was bizarre. But isn't there something that you can do?
Tim: Sure. I could present it to the devil as an offering.
Jill: Couldn't you do some sort of special blooper show?
Brad: Mom, Dad already has one. It's called Tool Time.
Quote from Wilson
[As Tim bends down to pick up firewood next to the fence, Wilson slaps him with an animal hide]
Wilson: Happy Valentine's Day, good neighbor.
Tim: Why don't you just send a greeting card?
Wilson: Well, some historians claim that Valentine's Day can be traced to the ancient festival of Lupercalia. See, in Rome, people would slap each other using animal pelts, to heighten fertility.
Tim: We used to do that in high school. Using a wet towel would just heighten people's voices. [fake groaning]
Wilson: It is great fun, I'll tell you. I bet Jill would love to strike you with an animal hide.
Tim: I bet you Mark would like to take a whack at me himself.
Wilson: Yeah. Jill told me about the video.
Tim: I cannot show that video on Tool Time. On the other hand, I don't want to discourage the kid from doing something he's passionate about.
Wilson: So, in the words of the Anglican leader Lorenzo Dow, "You're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't."
Tim: You can go back to your lubrication festival.
Quote from Tim
Wilson: Tim, let me ask you something. When you asked Mark to create this video, did you give him any guidelines?
Tim: Yeah. I said, it was my show, my show, my show.
Wilson: Ah-ha, ah-ha, ah-ha.
Tim: Not much to go on, is it? It's like telling a guy to build a house without blueprints.
Wilson: Which is something you wouldn't do.
Tim: I might. I actually did once. That house was a disaster.
Wilson: Yeah.
Tim: But the ratings went through the roof, just like the water heater.