[As Tim bends down to pick up firewood next to the fence, Wilson slaps him with an animal hide]
Wilson: Happy Valentine's Day, good neighbor.
Tim: Why don't you just send a greeting card?
Wilson: Well, some historians claim that Valentine's Day can be traced to the ancient festival of Lupercalia. See, in Rome, people would slap each other using animal pelts, to heighten fertility.
Tim: We used to do that in high school. Using a wet towel would just heighten people's voices. [fake groaning]
Wilson: It is great fun, I'll tell you. I bet Jill would love to strike you with an animal hide.
Tim: I bet you Mark would like to take a whack at me himself.
Wilson: Yeah. Jill told me about the video.
Tim: I cannot show that video on Tool Time. On the other hand, I don't want to discourage the kid from doing something he's passionate about.
Wilson: So, in the words of the Anglican leader Lorenzo Dow, "You're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't."
Tim: You can go back to your lubrication festival.