Tim Quote #2481
Quote from Tim in My Son, the Driver
Tim: Welcome to Tool Time. I... I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. And, of course, you all know my assistant Al Borland! [audience cheers] [applause]
Al: Thank you. Thank you. And welcome to our salute... [engine revs] ...to engines. Today we're gonna tell you how to put a little kick in your V8.
Tim: I'll tell you how I put a kick in my V8... vodka! [audience laughs]
Al: We're talking about V8 engines. We'll be showing you the difference between a stock V8 and a high-performance Indy car engine.
Audience: Ooh...
Tim: Yeah! And who better to talk about these engines than our first guest, a racing legend, put them together, ladies and gentlemen, for Al Unser! [audience cheers, applauds] [band introduction plays]
[When a young boy walks out, Tim signals for the music to be cut]
Al Richard Unser: [shakes Tim's hand] Great to be here.
Tim: Uh... sure it is, son. But I'm talking about the other Al Unser! [band introduction plays]
Al Unser Jr. Great to be here, Tim.
Tim: Yeah, I'm sure it is. But I'm talking about the other Al Unser! [band plays] [audience cheers] [band stops]
Al Unser Sr.: Thank you for having us here, Tim.
Tim: Ladies and gentlemen, three generations of Al Unsers. Well, I'll tell you, this could get confusing. What do I call you?
All: Al.
Tim: Well, that clears that up.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘My Son, the Driver’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Jill: All right. Obey all traffic laws, especially no speeding. Keep that seat belt fastened. No kids drinking, smoking. No sex, no drugs.
Jill: Or anything else.
Brad: What else is there?
Tim: Plenty. All right... No oval shots in parking lots or doing doughnuts in people's lawns. And absolutely, absolutely... no mooning while the car's in gear.
Jill: What about when it's not?
Tim: Use your best judgment.
Quote from Wilson
Brad: I'm gonna need a pretty big tow truck to pull me out of this mess.
Wilson: So, you're saying that if your father found out you hit another car, he would view that as an unforgivable offense?
Brad: Yeah.
Wilson: Well, Brad, it seems to me he might consider lying a far worse offense.
Brad: So either way, I'm in deep yak butter.
Wilson: [sighs] You know, Brad, the novelist Han Suyin had some very choice words for situations like this. "Truth, like surgery, might hurt. But it cures."
Brad: Yeah. My mom and dad also have a few choice words for situations like this. But, I'm not allowed to say 'em.
Quote from Tim
Jill: Well, who cares about the car?
Tim: It's a classic Nomad.
Jill: Well, I was more concerned about our son.
Tim: I was concerned, but now he's OK, I just wanna what kind of damage he did.
Jill: Well, it couldn't be as bad as when you dropped that three-ton beam on it.
Doug: Wait. You dropped a beam on a classic Nomad?
Tim: Yeah, yeah. You know... the up side was I got to cherry it out, I dropped a big block in it.
Doug: Oh, man! I sure hope that car's OK.
Patty: Doug. Shut up.