TV Quotes

Brad: I'm gonna need a pretty big tow truck to pull me out of this mess.
Wilson: So, you're saying that if your father found out you hit another car, he would view that as an unforgivable offense?
Brad: Yeah.
Wilson: Well, Brad, it seems to me he might consider lying a far worse offense.
Brad: So either way, I'm in deep yak butter.
Wilson: [sighs] You know, Brad, the novelist Han Suyin had some very choice words for situations like this. "Truth, like surgery, might hurt. But it cures."
Brad: Yeah. My mom and dad also have a few choice words for situations like this. But, I'm not allowed to say 'em.

Jill: Well, who cares about the car?
Tim: It's a classic Nomad.
Jill: Well, I was more concerned about our son.
Tim: I was concerned, but now he's OK, I just wanna what kind of damage he did.
Jill: Well, it couldn't be as bad as when you dropped that three-ton beam on it.
Doug: Wait. You dropped a beam on a classic Nomad?
Tim: Yeah, yeah. You know... the up side was I got to cherry it out, I dropped a big block in it.
Doug: Oh, man! I sure hope that car's OK.
Patty: Doug. Shut up.

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.