Tim Quote #2152
Brad: So, Dad, how long you think it's gonna take to finish the hot rod?
Tim: I don't know. I don't want to rush into it. The important things in life you don't want to rush into, you know what I mean.
Brad: Yeah, well, especially when it comes to cars and tools you want to take your time and do things right.
Tim: Exactly. But that rule doesn't just apply to cars and tools. You also want to take your time when you're gonna have... food.
Brad: What do you mean?
Tim: You know that Polish smorgasbord we like? You don't go right up to Olga and say, "I want all the kielbasa and all the sauerkraut right now".
Brad: [chuckles] You do!
Tim: All right. Bad example, bad example. Football. You don't go right in and try to score, do you?
Brad: You don't?
Tim: In football you do. You do. Gardening, gardening, think gardening. You don't plant your flower unless your bed's made. No. No, no, no!
Brad: You know, Dad, maybe it's just me. I don't have a clue what you're trying to say.
Tim: It isn't just you.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘At Sea’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Tim
Brad: Some guys I hang out with think that by having sex it makes you a man.
Tim: I used to think that, too. But I think the truth is, you should be a man first and then think about sex.
Brad: So, what do you think? How many years away am l?
Tim: Well... there's no set number of years.
Brad: When will I know when I'm a man?
Tim: Your mom and I will tell you.
Quote from Jill
Jill: Brad, what were you doing with a girl in your bedroom?
Brad: Um... nothing.
Jill: When I walked in the door it didn't look like nothing.
Brad: Well, Mom, you wouldn't have seen anything if you had knocked.
Jill: Don't get smart with me. You know you are not allowed to have a girl in your room when we're not home!
Brad: Yeah, well, it's not going to a problem anymore. She'll probably never come back, thanks to you!
Jill: Oh, excuse me. You have a girl on your bed, I catch you and I'm the bad guy?
Brad: Mom, I didn't do anything wrong.
Jill: Really? Really? Well, what would have happened if I hadn't come home just then?
Brad: It's none of your business. I mean, you think I'm gonna talk to you about my sex life? [exits]
Jill: [whispering] Sex life?