Tim Quote #2139
Heidi: Welcome to Tool Time, coming to you from the USS Constellation aircraft carrier.
Tim: Thank you, Heidi, and welcome to a very special Tool Time salute... [plane taking off] - ...to engines. We're in the hangar bay of the ship with the ship's captain, Captain Lloyd Jenkins. Thank you for having us on board.
Captain Lloyd Jenkins: Our pleasure, Tim.
Tim: Right behind me is the Navy's most advanced fighter, the F-1 5.
Al: Actually, Tim, it's the F-1 8.
Tim: Eighteen, 15... it's a number, isn't it?
Al: Well, this baby sports twin low bypass turbo engine fans with a 1600 gallon internal fuel capacity. Isn't that right, Captain Jenkins?
Captain Lloyd Jenkins: That's exactly right, Al. You seem to be quite an expert when it comes to the Navy.
Al: Well, sir, as a former Seabee I like to keep my oars in the water.
Tim: He was stationed in Nevada. The closest he ever got to the water was the fountain at Caesars Palace.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘At Sea’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Tim
Brad: Some guys I hang out with think that by having sex it makes you a man.
Tim: I used to think that, too. But I think the truth is, you should be a man first and then think about sex.
Brad: So, what do you think? How many years away am l?
Tim: Well... there's no set number of years.
Brad: When will I know when I'm a man?
Tim: Your mom and I will tell you.
Quote from Jill
Jill: Brad, what were you doing with a girl in your bedroom?
Brad: Um... nothing.
Jill: When I walked in the door it didn't look like nothing.
Brad: Well, Mom, you wouldn't have seen anything if you had knocked.
Jill: Don't get smart with me. You know you are not allowed to have a girl in your room when we're not home!
Brad: Yeah, well, it's not going to a problem anymore. She'll probably never come back, thanks to you!
Jill: Oh, excuse me. You have a girl on your bed, I catch you and I'm the bad guy?
Brad: Mom, I didn't do anything wrong.
Jill: Really? Really? Well, what would have happened if I hadn't come home just then?
Brad: It's none of your business. I mean, you think I'm gonna talk to you about my sex life? [exits]
Jill: [whispering] Sex life?