Al Quote #235
Quote from Al in Advise and Repent
Tim: Today's Tool Time is a rousing salute to semi-gloss and gloss latex.
Al: But first, on a personal note, I'd like to thank our Tool Time audience for their generous outpouring of concern for Scooter the Turtle. We were both overwhelmed by the amount of cards and flowers that you all sent. Unfortunately, because of Scooter's sugar allergies, he was not allowed to eat the chocolate that you sent.
Tim: Bet that didn't stop you and your mom from scarfing all that stuff down.
Al: Ladies and gentlemen, let's have a warm welcome back for Scooter - the fully recovered turtle! Scooter! Scooter!
Tim: Oh, I wonder if little Scooter remembers me. Do you remember...? [biting] Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Al: Obviously, he does remember you.
Tim: Ow! Ow!
Al: Scooter, release.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Advise and Repent’ Quotes
Quote from Randy
Jill: You know what my problem is?
Tim: No. But I bet we're gonna talk about it.
Jill: I am the kind of person who is so eager to fix things that I don't take my time, and then they just blow up in my face.
Randy: You married the right guy.
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: Well, I'm reminded of a fifth-century Indian book, the Panchatantra, which says, "The first mark of intelligence is not to start things."
Jill: So I shouldn't do anything?
Judith: But the Panchatantra goes on to say, "The second mark of intelligence is to pursue to the end what you have started."
Wilson: Well, actually, Judith, I was just about to finish that quote.
Jill: So I should apologize to them?
Judith: I'm sorry. I thought you'd finished.
Wilson: I was merely pausing for the effect.
Jill: The effect was it seemed like you'd finished, dear.
Wilson: Well, I hadn't, dear.
Jill: You know, um, when couples bicker the way that you're doing right now, sometimes I find that it's useful... [they both stare at Jill] for me to just say bye-bye!
Quote from Jill
Jill: When is Michelle coming over?
Randy: Any minute now.
Tim: Well, I hope her dad gets here quick. Old Bert's going to help me put on the independent suspension on my hot rod.
Jill: Oh, well, that's good, because a dependent suspension can be so needy. [Tim & Brad stare blankly] In my Psychology class that would've gotten a huge laugh.
Tim: And yet here in the kitchen... death.